I’d been crying for awhile when I hard the door open. I
listened hoping it wasn’t Jay; I didn’t want him right now. D stepped into view
and I sighed. The tears had run out, I was leaning against the bath tub trying
to decide if I wanted to talk with Jay at all about it.
“This is kind of a scene from some movie where they are
trying to get the drug addict to go into rehab. Except you aren’t a drug addict.”
He pushed the toilet seat down and sat on it. “What’s up Baby Girl?”
I shook my head and stared out the bathroom door, “I don’t
know.” The voice didn’t seem to be mine. It was full of anger, full of spite,
full of hurt and other things.
“Hum.” He folded his hands in his lap and stared at me. “Want
to talk about what happened?’
“Not really.” I sighed.
“Okay.” D said shutting his mouth and sitting quietly. He
knew me; he knew if he left it, eventually I’d tell him.
We sat quietly for about an hour before I finally broke. “I
just can’t let go. I’ve done really well. But I don’t love Jay.”
He sucked his breath in, “sometimes Love isn’t immediate.
Sometimes you have to learn to love someone.”
I sat listening to him. I wasn’t in the mood for advice. I
didn’t want to talk, I really didn’t want to do anything, all I wanted to do
was sit right where I was for the rest of eternity.
“You are probably going to have to let Bowman go.” D said
softly. The way you say things to a spoiled toddler when they aren’t about to
get their way, the way you say it in an attempt to avoid a melt down and temper
tantrum.
“I know.” I said in a quiet whisper, “I had. But after his
accident, it all came back.”
D sat quietly for a moment. I knew he didn’t have a pearl of
wisdom to give me. He was thinking hard, I knew he was hoping Sonny would give
him the right answer. Finally he sighed, “Oh babe.”
I drew my knees up to my chest and leaned my head into them,
the tears were back. There wasn’t anything that was going to fix my problem.
There wasn’t any fixing things with Jay, I knew that to. So I cried.
To Be Continued…
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