Wanted: Eraser

Sometimes I wish I had a big pink eraser to erase the mistakes I’ve made in my life. Heck I’d even settle for one of those cheap white ones right about now….

The New Life: Big Roy's Final Words

I was so very lucky to see Big Roy a few days before he got sick, our conversation was so up lifting and happy, it’s hard to believe looking back that it’s only been a few short weeks. Big Roy was always there for me, even though I never leaned on him for emotional support I know he was always there and that he always cared.

We joked about a conversation he and I had at the grocery store back in March. Then suddenly it got serious and it began to feel as if there was something final about the conversation.

He reached across the table and grabbed my hand and suddenly said, “For you Baby Girl, the world is just beginning.”

I was shocked, to go from telling jokes to being serious, “what are you talking about?”

He simply smiled and repeated a little stronger, “for you the world is just beginning.” His smile faded and he said, “Don’t ever let anyone step on your dreams. Don’t let anything break you. Don’t stop until you are holding the stars in your hands. Promise?”

I nodded, still a little off kilter from the sudden change in subject.

He smiled at me again, “okay then.”

I sat staring at him for a moment, still trying to wrap my head around the sensation of finality. “I want you to know that I love as if you were my family.” He said quietly.

I smiled back, “I love you to Roy.”

He nodded and stood up and disappeared into the crowd. I watched him go and felt my heartbreak a little in my chest.

The World's a Little Dimmer Tonight...

Dear Leroy,

It broke my heart this afternoon when I heard you had lost your fight. I will miss you so very much, but I know that you are no longer in pain and that you and that big gelding Laker are back on the trails once again.
Grandpa always tells stories on you, just like you always told stories on him. I have two favorites, you rolling down the hill out back in a tractor tire your change flying out of your pockets, its funny because I could see you doing it, and the next when my uncles and grandpa hooked the outhouse seat up to the tractor battery and made it electric. I guess that's why the door still doesn't hang straight.

You were an amazing man, always laughing, I never remember you without a smile. You encouraged me to ride when no one else did. You were at my first horse show, probably cheering the loudest. I always looked up to you and felt as if you were family.
Your battle has been long and hard, and while it breaks my heart you've gone I am happy that you are finally out of pain. Enjoy the knee high grass up there, I'm glad you can see Laker again. I hope you'll visit me though, because the world won't be the same without your hearty laugh and wide smile.

Love you more then words can express and I'm happy I got to see you at branding time, and that you helped me wrestle my first calf.
Rest in Peace,
Becki Ann

Sunday Soundtrack

I orginally planned on giving you an out of  office message, but I found some time to get a post done. So this weeks Sunday Soundtrack is Bad Company- Five Finger Death Punch

and Boss's Daughter- Pop Evil

Take a second to remember why we all have freedom in this country, God Bless thoose who gave all.
I'm keeping several friends in my prayers right now, hard times seem to find us all.
And finally for all of my biker readers and friends I hope you have safe travels and remember keep the shinny side up!

The New Life: Understanding Weakness

My Momma told me after the breakup that once your heart has been damaged you never allow yourself the same weakness again. You always changed something in the way you handle love and a relationship, and she’s so very right.  My hearts never fully healed from the breakup, it’s something I’ve always been honest about, and even if you’ve only followed this blog for a few days it’s something you understand.

Charming knows and understands, I suspect his uncle has warned him, maybe even Jay. I’m damaged and it’s no secret to any of my friends around me. It’s something I’m working on changing. The wreck and the night in the hospital was the start, realizing that I had lost everything and that it wasn’t coming back. Then laying down in the grass and handing my heart to God, it was the next step.

Yesterday as Charming and I rode through the South Meadow I realized how committed he is to me. I realized he’s one human being, like his uncle and D, that I can trust. As I laid my head on his chest that night and settled in to sleep I realized he’s happy and maybe I can allow myself to feel some happiness too.

But Momma is right, I won’t be able to love him like I did the first. The love I will eventually build for Charming will be different, it may be stronger, it may be weaker, but it will be different. I recognize the hope in the relationship though, he took time off just to stay with me, just because I was having a bad week. He’s putting his heart and soul into rebuilding my bike, just because I’m his Uncle’s “little girl”. He is willing to lay it all on the line, and risk the possibility that I’ll walk away, just because he sees something worth keeping in me.

He may act like the first. He may be tall and handsome like the first. He may work with and own Harleys like the first. He may even be a skillful rider just like the first. But one thing is for sure, he is different then the first….

What will happen, will. I’ll either learn to love him or I won’t. It’s all out of my hands, I have no control, I’m just along for the ride.

The New Life: The Mechanic

So you are probably wondering where the pictures have been lately. Well Blogger and my computer are in a fued... so until that gets sorted out no pictures. I've got some of Deadwood, the horses, the wreck and a couple of the Sportster as the restoration work starts... hang in there eventually I'll get them posted. In the meantime I shall write...

“I understand you’ve had a bad couple of days.” Charming said as he stood next to me.

I nodded, “Yeah it’s been bad.”

He wrapped his arms around me, “Well is there anyway I can make it better?”

I shrugged as I took a breath of his cologne, “maybe.”

He laughed, “get your stuff.”

Later as we lay in bed watching a movie I couldn’t help but be happy. There was no heart ache, no need to rush into anything, just the sense that the moment was all I needed. “You okay?’ He asked.

“Yeah. Why?” I asked back.

“I just felt you go limp and I was worried.” He said quietly.

I smiled to myself, “I’m just happy.”

I looked up and he was smiling too, “I’m glad you are happy.” He brushed my bangs out of my face, and I felt as if that moment could last forever.

“Thanks for making things better.” I whispered.

“Anything for you babe.” He said softly.

I looked back at the T.V., “I can’t believe Charliy just let you come up.”

He laughed a little, “I had time saved up for a rainy day. The dealership is pretty awesome to work for, they understand.”

I sighed and thought about my Sportster parked in his uncle’s garage and how he’d promised me it would run better then ever. “How’s the sporty?”

He chuckled a little, “she’s got some gremlins.”

I nodded, “D wants to sell her, says its bad luck to keep her around. But I feel a bond with her now.”

“Yeah.” He said softly, “well she did pretty much save your life.”

I nodded, “she’s done more for me then you’ll ever know.”

 “It’s funny what inanimate things can do for a person, how they can take a life on of their own.” He said softly.

I thought about her, “She’s like my sister.”

“I’ll take good care of her.” He whispered and then kissed me on the forehead, "Everything is going to be okay."

I knew it would. I knew she’d come back to me running better then she ever had, with a new paint job and chrome, I had faith in his mechanical ablities. It was then I knew quitting riding wasn’t an option, it was also then I knew that the mechanic wasn’t just working on the Sporty, he was working on me too.

The New Life: Finding Faith

It was dark, way to dark for any sane person to be out running, but whose says I’m sane anymore. My feet hit the pavement, stride after stride. Pain recoiled through my knee, ankle and leg. My breath stung my lungs, but I pushed hard, attempting to forget, to move on, to get away.

I reached two miles and sunk into the grass. I hadn’t been jogging since I started the new job, and it was showing. My mind was clear; I had left the phone and ipod in the house. I figured if I broke my leg either the coyotes would get me or Neighbor would be by in the morning.

I relaxed and let the wind chill me. He had a point, about forcing love, he’s completely right. I still haven’t laid down in the grass for that nap; I haven’t stopped trying to force things.

Sonny told me that the championship fight wouldn’t happen right away, that I had time to train. She’s right of course, I need to get my facts straight, but it still doesn’t matter who was with him, just knowing that he’s clearly moved on hurt.

“All I want is to know he hurts over it to.” I whispered.

“That’s selfish.” Sonny whispered.

I laid down and stare at the sky, my heart still pumping hard. That’s when it happened, “fuck it” I whispered.

Laying my heart in God’s hands is the right decision. He can fix anything and everything, and if I let him I know he can take the pain away…

Faith is all it’s going to require.

Dear You

Dear You,

Sonny keeps telling me to fight, fight for what I want, for what I feel is mine. She says that you fought for me the first time, with Handsome, and now it’s my turn. But I can’t help but feel as if that isn’t what you want.

Seeing you with her broke my heart all over again. I thought I was over being completely shattered, it turns out I’m not. And now because I stood there debating weather to answer your text tonight or just go to bed, and chose the first option, I’ll be up all night.

I have dreams, vivid dreams, ones I haven’t shared because I don’t want to interfere. They all revolve around that pink dress in the closet. They all revolve around the Blue King, they all sit deep within me. When Charming reached around the other day and rubbed my knee like you did, I lost it, bawled like a big fucking baby. Sonny says I can have whatever I want if I just fight.

But I’m not sure fighting is an option, not at this moment in time anyway. My life hasn’t improved any, the job has, but the family aspect still sucks, my health still sucks, I don’t have much to offer you but the heart in my chest, and right now it’s not to healthy either. I don’t know how your relationship is, I remember what it was like in March, but I figured since your still with her its improved…..

Maybe all I need is to just get away. Not seeing you or the guys, not turning everytime I hear a bike, not hoping one day you’ll walk into the store and wanna talk. Not sitting in the clearing wishing you’d show up. Not dream about the brick streets and see that picture everytime I turn on this computer. Maybe that’s all it will take to heal, to forget.

I don’t know what I want to say with this letter. Usually I have time to think about it, but lately I haven’t really been thinking about the hurt and pain, well until Saturday that is.

I want to fight so fucking bad. So bad that I can taste it in my mouth, so bad my muscles ache. But will fighting do me any good?

I doubt it….

Love ya, always, no matter what.

Becki Ann

The New Life: The Truth Could Set You Free

I sunk down onto Beans’ couch and nestled up next to the throw pillows. She sighed as she sat down in her chair, “What’s up?”

“Shouldn’t all this pain be gone? I was sure it’d be gone by now.” I mumbled.

She chuckled a little, “there is no defined time it takes for a person to heal. It would help if the wound wouldn’t keep getting cut open.”

I sighed and closed my eyes and tried to distance myself from the pain, “remember why I wanted to leave Hometown.”

“Of course, because the thought of him with someone else. What happened?” She asked.

“I saw him with his new girl. On the motorcycle.” The image popped into my mind and I was forced to open my eyes to brush it away, “It hurt so much more then I imagined.”

She nodded, “I’m sorry it happened.”

I sighed, “I met someone new.”

She nodded again, “I know that.”

“He’s great.” I mumbled.

She just nodded.

“Im tired of hurting.” I whispered, close to tears.

“I know that to.” She said quietly.

We sat in silence for awhile. I was softly crying, thinking about the past, not living in the moment at all. Beans finally spoke, but it was quiet, almost to herself, “What I’d like to know is if he’s still hurting too.”

I shrugged, “does it really matter?”

She took my hand and traced her finger over the little line in the palm, “The truth could.”

The New Life: For My Daughter

I wish that heartache didn’t happen, the word didn’t exist and the feeling didn’t attempt to eat someone alive. I wish seeing you with someone new didn't hurt her. I wish that her heart would heal and that she would no longer feel the pain you've given to her. I wish she could forget the past and live in the moment. I wish she could find someone to love her the way she loves you.

I never wanted her to experience the kind of pain I did. I pray that some where along the path that is hers she finds the man who will always love her through everything, and I pray that he protects her from feeling this pain ever again.

~Momma

Sunday Soundtrack

The New Life: Sonny's Meddling

“Oh come on now the perfect ones do come along.” Sonny said as I relaxed in the clearing.

“Well this one is a little to perfect. I think you are screwing with me.” I said imagining I’d have ticks all over me by the time this conversation was done.

She let out a loud laugh, “Fine I meddled. Just give it a try and see where it goes.”

I sighed, “If I get hurt.”

She cut me off, “then I’ll take the blame.”

I nodded, “fine then. But you could stop meddling.”

She smiled, “If I hadn’t meddled you never would have found him. Besides I never intended for you to get hurt badly, and you didn’t so stop your bitching.”

“Yeah but you wrecked a perfectly good bike.” I mumbled.

“Well some things happen. You’ll get over it.” She stared out straight across the meadow. “Besides you can’t prove I did it. I’m just a figment of your imagination as far as the rest of the world is concerned.”

I snorted at the remark and wondered if she really was just my imagination.

“I’m as really as the sky is blue.” She said softly.

“You scared the crap out of me.” I whispered.

“If it hadn’t happened you wouldn’t have met Charming. Just give me a break. It’s all okay.” She said quietly.

“Does D know?” I asked.

She shook her head, “he’d be mad at me for that.”

I nodded, “he sure would have been.”

“Yeah well whatever the saying is about candies and nuts and Christmas.” She said out of the corner of her mouth.

“If ands and buts were candy and nuts every day would be Christmas.” I mumbled.

“Yeah something like that.”

“Is he as good as your making him out to be?” I asked.

She smiled over at me as the wind picked up, “he’ll soon show you.”

I looked away for a second and when I looked back she was gone. I nestled my face in my hands and let a moan out.

The New Life: To Perfect

The sound of the bike was unfamiliar as I lay in bed listening to it getting closer. I knew they could have been headed for a neighbor, but I doubted it, most bikes that turn onto D’s street are headed to his house. I sat up in bed and sighed, it was after nine, D had been up for about two hours, I figured he was getting anxious for me to get out of bed so we could do what we needed to for the day before he flew me home.

I stood up as the bike turned into the driveway. I didn’t recognize the rider until he stepped off the bike and took his helmet off, it was Charming. My heart leapt into my chest, “so much for a phone call.” I mumbled to Bella as I stumbled to get dressed.

“Hey Beck!” D hollered up the stairs.

“Yeah I’m coming.” I hollered back as I pulled my leathers on. It felt odd sliding them over the healing bruises and I wondered if I knew for sure what I was doing.

“I thought you were going to call.” I said as I walked down the stairs.

“I figured a bike ride would be better.” He said with a smile.

D stood next to him, “You wanna go?” he asked.

“Well I’m all dressed up.” I said with a laugh.

They both nodded, “well I’ll just let you two go. I need to go to the lumber yard.” D said staring at me. “Call me if you need me.”

I swung my leg over the back of the Victory and relaxed. “You don’t own a Harley, what the hell is wrong with you?”

He laughed, “I do own a Harley. I just like this bike best, don’t tell my boss that!”

I laughed and rested my hands on his side. I was comfortable and felt as if it was where I needed to be.

The bike rumbled to life and we were off. It felt perfect to be on the bike, my heart didn’t hurt, it was happy like it used to be. The Blue King used to help relax my knee, it took the cramps and pain out of it, the Victory did the same.

We stopped at the stop light and waited for it to turn, he turned his head and said to me, “Beck I want you to be mine.”

My heart fluttered in my chest as he said it, “That sounds good to me.”

He smiled, “good deal.”

A few miles down the road he reached back and ran his hand on my knee, the same way Bowman used to. I wondered if someone had told him or if it was just something he did. It was then I realized Sonny had to be meddling…

The New Life: Rebuilding

“So every biker has a reason why they started. Mine was because I grew up with them; spent the weekends at the motocross track, getting a bike to ride around was obvious.” Charming said as he smiled at me over dinner.

I shrugged, “Everyone asks me that question.”

He chuckled a little, “well honestly not a whole lot of women ride their own bikes.”

I nodded as I stared at him, “Honestly.” I paused thinking about how to word what I wanted to say, “Before the wreck I was attempting to keep hold of a piece of my past relationship.”

He nodded, seeming to understand without judgment. “So why not just give it up now?”

I sighed, “I wanted to. But I don’t want to stop because of fear.”

“Hmm.” He said than took a drink of his beer, “Well that’s a good reason to keep riding.”

“Have you ever been in an accident?” I asked.

He smiled and then rolled up his sleeve, “I’ve been in a couple.” He showed me his arm and the scars across it, “These are mostly from motocross, but last summer I laid my bike down on my way to Sturgis.”

I nodded, “How come you kept riding?”

He smiled again, “same reason you did. Fear isn’t a reason to stop.” We sat quietly for a little while, “I was surprised when you came in with D today. I didn’t think he knew any girls, let alone one as sweet and pretty as you.”

“Laying it on kinda thick aren’t we?” I asked sarcastically, but flattered.

He laughed, “Hey I have to make sure there will be another date.”

I smiled and picked up my water glass, “I’ll just have to wreck the bike again if there isn’t.”

He smiled, “It’d be a lot less painful to just answer the phone when I call you tomorrow morning.”

“Would it now?” I asked, knowing that maybe it wouldn’t be…

♥

Just a Reminder

"Under the Protection of the Archer what you seek Will find You."

Today my heart feels empty. Hopefully I can remind myself that everything will work out and that there is life out there...

The New Life: Managing Pain

Yesterday was the first time, since the accident I felt pain. It actually started Saturday afternoon, after eight texts and one whole second my heart hit the floor and shattered on the ground. I mustered the strength to get through the day, but keeping in my emotional pain turned it into physical pain.

My healing bruises throbbed with pain, my tender neck and back were no longer just tender they were painful, so painful it hurt to have my cotton t-shirt touching them. My legs, knee, ankle and feet screamed with pain, so bad I thought I was going to pass out. It wasn’t a lack of pain meds, I’d taken my dosage, even a little extra, and it still hurt.

After the grueling day a good friend of mine called me and said lets go get some pizza, maybe a beer to and a movie. As soon as I heard his voice the pain was gone. Knowing that everything I had suffered through was only temporary and that in the end I still have people who care in my life made the pain subside.

In the end yes I did lose my best friend, a love that I’ll never feel again, and maybe the ability to give my heart to someone else.

But in the end, I didn’t lose everything, because eventually there will be another best friend and there will be another one to love. In the end I’ll be happy because it’s the only choice I have.

The Sportster: Life After the Wreck Part 1

Blue sat in the chair across from the bed. The rest of the room was empty, I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or awake. He sat up in his chair as I woke up, “hey you” he said quietly.

“Hey.” I whispered.

He stood up and moved over to the bed, “how you feeling?”

“With my fingers.” It was the smart ass comment my granddad always used.

He chuckled, “I’m so glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”

“How’s the bike?” I asked.

He sighed, “She probably saved your life.”

I laughed thinking about how she had done it more then once, thinking about the ride to Hill City. “I owe her one.”

“Maybe more then one.” He said. “You scared us.”

I sighed and thought to myself for a little bit. I wasn’t sure I wanted to admit I didn’t want to ride anymore, I knew he was more apt to understand then D would. “I want to stop riding.” I whispered as my watery eyes met his blue ones. It hurt me to admit it.

He sighed and took my hand in his, “remember why you started riding? If you stop you are going to lose it all.”

It was then the tears started, “I’ve lost it all anyways.”

I sobbed as I heard myself admit it for the first time. Admitting I’d lost my best friend and the only man I’d ever loved ripped my heart out of my chest, it was a pain that the pain meds wouldn’t stop.

“That’s the first step.” Blue said as he wrapped his arms around me, “Just get it all out. We will figure riding out later.”

The doctor came in after a bit, told me I was still in shock and changed my IV fluids. I fell asleep in Blue’s arms. I slept like I’d never slept before, without dreams, away from the pain, just honest sleeping…

Sunday Soundtrack

I could sure go for a little neon right now. But I won't be going to the bars in this town... way to many memories...
                                                                    

And this song was the one I was dancing to in the truck the other day. D didn't find it charming like you used too... Oh well, I'll dance on...

The Sportster: Jinxed

I laid there on the hot concrete and closed my eyes, shutting the sunshine out and letting the pain take over. There was no fighting it; it was the worst pain I had ever felt. I could hear the sound of the paint stripping off the bike as it slid down the street. I was in an odd place of peace, not scared of being hurt, no longer afraid of the what if. Because the what if had just happened.

He was next to me before I realized it. I could hear more and more panic in his voice as the seconds slipped by. By the time I could hear the sirens the pain had taken me over. “It’s okay. Your going to be fine baby.” I could hear him say, but it wasn't D's voice, it was one I had almost forgotten.

I wanted to see him, to know he was really there. But I couldn't I was stuck in the blackness. Then suddenly I was some place else, back home wrapped up in the silky sheets and his strong arms. I no longer felt the pain of anything, I only felt happiness and love. I thought to myself that if this was the end at least it was ending with a feeling that always made me feel better, no matter how bad the situation was.

If Heaven was some place with him, I was okay with the end coming. But it wasn't the end. I got a second chance and in it all I realized I've been living my life wrong.

In hindsight I never should have asked D to pick me up, I should have never been in Omaha; I shouldn’t have been on the bike. My attitude and state of mind were not at a place where I should have been riding, and I shouldn’t have been in traffic period. But it happened and there is no changing what is done.

I knew all along it was going to happen. I could sense it in my bones. The impending doom hung over every ride and every second I spent with the bike. Guess we will see what happens now, if I’ll ever be able to have the courage to swing myself back on a bike.

The New Life: The Snapshot

D had “Redecorated” my room at his house. He’d filled it with parts off of vintage bikes; the lamp by my bed was now made out of a Road King Headlamp. Instead of a deer mount he’d mounted the handlebars off of a Sportster on the wall.

The pictures we’d had taken with our bikes hung neatly around the room, a big vinyl Harley logo hung over the bed. Next to the mirror was a small collection of snap shots, most taken by my Momma, a picture of me and Steph with our bikes, D and I on his Road King, a picture from my first ride on the Sportster, me in my helmet with a pink Mohawk, me leaning down on my bike hugging it, and a few other random ones. The biggest was a picture Momma had taken back in Hometown. Bowman and I on the back of the Blue King, smiling, well me smiling and him pulling the tough guy look. I traced my fingers over the photo and laughed a little, in that second I missed him.

“Well” D said as he stood in the doorway of the room.

I rolled my eyes and tried to keep the tears behind them, “It’s unique.”

He smiled, “do you like it?”

I nodded, “thank you.”

He gave me a hug, “come-on let’s go get some food.”

I stopped at the doorway and stared back at the picture. I still wondered what Sonny was trying to show me in the clearing. I wondered why D had put that specific photo in my room, why it was larger then the other snapshots. But in that moment in time what I wondered most was if he was missing me at all. I flicked the light off and walked down to the garage…

Sunday Soundtrack

The last time I heard this song I was on the back of the Blue King and it was blaring over Big Poppa's stereo. It seemed like the perfect song for a motorcycle ride. It's played over the radio the last five days during my drive to work, makes me think of that awesome ride every time...

I bought it for my ipod, like I said perfect song for a motorcycle ride...

Postcards From Paris plays over the radio all the time... sigh... too close to home...

And this is the last one for the week. 



I'll never be lonely. It wasn't goodbye for good, that I feel sure about...

The New Life: The Show I Won't be Watching...

We sat talking about our trip to KC when the advertisement turned on. I paused and stared at the TV. I immediately thought about Bowman and Hometown and The Club.

When the ad was over I sighed and went over to the bar and poured myself a Coke and Jameson, feeling the urge for a strong drink. I poured half a glass of whiskey and then topped it off with Coke.

“They’ll make TV about anything these days.” D said as he stared at the now muted TV. “You going to watch?” He asked over his shoulder

I took a hard swallow of my Coke and Jameson as I walked back to the couch, “Honestly watching it is just going to make me miss Bowman. So no.”

“It’s a different club and you already miss him.” D said, pointing out the obvious.

I sunk back down onto the couch, “I won’t be watching. I don’t need to watch some stupid show.”

“I’ll DVR it just in case.” He said searching for the shows name.

I sighed, “It’s a stupid show.”

He nodded.

“Curiosity killed the cat.” I mumbled then took another hard swallow.

“Uh huh.” He said fixed on the TV.

I rolled my eyes and thought about Bowman. Watching that show would make me miss him, just like American choppers, Top shot, and Sons of Anarchy already do. Except this is a show about a club…

I won’t be watching…

How Far I've Come

I was looking through my post schedule all the way back for 2010, when I first started writing this blog. It made me reflect on how far I’ve come. Originally I sat down at this very computer to express my ideas and concerns with training my horses. The original title “Beck’s Horses” reflected that. There were four main characters, Me, Sweet Cheeks, Boo boo, and my now ex-Hubby.

Around my 21^st birthday things drastically changed. My marriage fell apart and this blog became my outlet for my frustrations with life. The name of the blog changed in 2011 to “Barn Bound and Saddle Sore”. I’ve had a lot of questions about what it means, when I picked the name it didn’t mean anything to me, but now I realize what it signifies my ride through life and how I’m headed for home and incredibly sore from the ride.

Over time I introduced the mini blogs, The New Life, From the Saddle, A Bowhunter’s Legacy, and most recently The Sportster. Each mini blog has taken on a life of its own. My readership has grown and changed over the years, and I want to say thank you to those who were here at the beginning and thank you to everyone who has joined the ride! I appreciate each one of you!

The characters have changed too. Sweet Cheeks and Boo boo are still here. I’ve added the White Filly and Red Ass. The guys have changed as well; my ex-hubby is no longer in the picture, neither is Handsome, Jay, or even Bowman. Maybe one day there will be a Mr. Right, maybe someday. In the meantime my friends, D, Sonny, Beans, Big Rick, and Stephens are taking care of me. Friends come and friends go, the true ones are the ones you hear about the most. They are the ones who’ve really helped me through the hard times.

The blog has become the catch all for my life. Something happens and I think to myslef “that needs to go on the blog”, so I’m immediately writing the post in my head. Good things happen, and so do bad, you hear about it all! Sometimes I over share, sometimes I feel like I don’t tell you enough. But I enjoy writing the blog, and I hope it’s enjoyable for you to read. I originally started telling the whole story hoping that one day someone who needed to know that you can make it through hard times would read it. I want each reader to know hard days come, but so do good days. You should always push through the hard days, because the good days will follow and the good ones are more enjoyable when you’ve been through the hard. Remember it is always the darkest before the dawn.

But this blog has taught me something, life doesn’t always go your way, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t go the way it was meant to be. A couple days ago it taught me something else; sometimes people can’t love you the way you want them to, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you the best way they know how. As a matter of fact both lessons have been a pretty common theme lately.

There are some changes coming in my life right now. I’m starting a new job and hopefully school. I’m learning how to ride my motorcycle, and picking up the sport of riding side saddle. Over the summer I’m going to work on becoming more competitive as an archer. It should be a pretty awesome summer, with the chance at love, the goal of 5,500 miles, and a guarantee of hot summer days.

No matter what happens, I hope you’ll hang on for the ride!!!

XOXO

Becki Ann