In Love

I told myself I wouldn't fall in love again, not for awhile at least. Love isn't for me right now, I'm not saying love isn't for me ever, but at this moment in time love just isn't right. But then again I've only shot the Pink Parker five times now and I'm in love. So maybe love is in the cards.

I've never shot such a nice handling bow. If I could get it together as a shooter the performance of my Parker would be outstanding. Don't get me wrong it performs exceptionally well, but if I was a better shooter it would be performing even better. I love to shoot. I love my bow and my custom arrows. I love how it makes me feel to have that Parker in my hand. I love the thrill of the shoot and the feeling of the bow rocking in my hand. I love it all.

After I broke myself down this past weekend I starred at my bow in it's case, the pink camo glowing in the florescent lights. I thought about what a shame it would be to never shoot that bow again. It actually made me cry. Struggling as a shooter is really bothering me, nothing has ever bothered me as much.It broke my heart to think about quiting. Much like my divorce broke my heart. But quitting archery would have been ten times more painful. Thinking about never uncasing that bow again made me cry. Thinking about all the people I'd be letting down made me cry even harder.

I called the Big D earlier today and confessed how I felt about it all. "Your in love." That's what he told me and "We've all thought about quitting. Don't I'll kick your butt if you do. We all struggle. In the end everything will work out." He's right. He always is. Besides I can hear Sonny up there yelling at me for even entertaining the idea of quiting.

So I'm not quitting. It's a silly idea. I've never quit anything when the going gets rough. I'm going to look into some lessons. There are a couple of pro shops only a few miles from here. I'm finding it hard to take MC seriously. I'm not sure why he's an excellent shooter and a really great guy, but for some reason his style of teaching isn't working for me.

But being in love feels amazing. The Parker has really made the wake of my divorce a lot easier. If I'm having a bad day I pick that Parker up and take it down to the range and shoot away all of my problems. I just have to get away from frustration and stop short changing myself. After all I've made strides of improvement from November, I can consistently hit paper now. I can draw a 55 pound bow. I can feel confident down at the range. My bow has brought me back to life. I'm beginning to remember the woman I wanted to be. My bow has given me the confidence to make moves toward the future.

I won't quit. I can't quit now. There is no going back, I'm in love. I admit it.
Becks

Breaking Myself Down

This weekend I broke myself down as a shooter. It took about 30 seconds. I rushed myself into the shoot this weekend. I've never broke myself down, I've never been so upset, I've never ever reacted the way I did. But once I broke myself down there was no recovering. But I couldn't quit, I knew if I walked away I'd never pick my bow up again, so I struggled through.

When I woke up this morning and got dressed for the shoot I was filled with dread. But I put it aside and stopped thinking about what went wrong yesterday. I adjusted my sights and warmed up for the shoot. The bow felt lighter, and my grip felt nicer. I let the bow rock in my hand after release, I didn't snatch.

My first two shots of the shoot were an 8 and 10. I held on strong with only 8 wall shots. I've figured out that if I'm relaxed and let go of the prior shot I shoot much better. I appreciated all of the support and help from my fellow archers. I've made some really great friends at the range. They know when I am upset and they know that I need support, so they give it to me.

My ending score was a 217, the first time I've broke 200 in a tournament. I'm happy, very happy. I never would have gotten there if it hadn't been for the help of my shooting buddies. You guys are excellent and I am glad to call you my friends.

When I watch the young archers on Tuesday nights I think about where they will be in 20 years. Will they be helpful to new archers. Will they understand the ethics of shooting. Will they continue on what we've taught them. Will they lead by example.

I will never break myself down like I did. It was horrible, I've never felt that way in my entire life and I never want to feel it again. I tell the girls I shoot with not to get frustrated, then I go and do what I did Friday night. I need to work on that leading by example.

Becks

The Road to a New Life, the conclusion: Inner Peace

Its been a long time coming. I've written and re written this post over and over in my head. I am constantly thinking about my inner peace and pure happiness. A lot has happened in my past, I've struggled very hard with bitterness and depression. But I'm relieved to say that I finally feel inner peace and pure happiness.
It all accumulated today when my divorce was finalized. Sitting there in the court room as the judge announced my maiden name will be restored and that the marriage has been dissolved I realized all the pain and suffering I'd been inflicted in the past does not matter anymore. True happiness rushed over me as it finally sunk in that this is and will be my second chance. I'm going to be fighting tooth and nail to continue to be happy. But I've learned how to make myself happy.

Shooting is what makes me happy. Loping my horses through the tall prairie grass makes me happy. Snuggling with my corgis makes me happy. Working makes me happy. But it's living life without any regret that makes me the happiest.

The last seven months have been the darkest in my entire life. But as I look back at all the things that made it bad I realize that every single thing made me a stronger person. Losing Sonny was probably the worst. It came at the most in opportune time. But as I think about it today I realize that I never lost her, she will always be with me in my heart. As I watch and help the little girls at the range I think about her and everything she taught me. I wonder if one day I might be to them what she is to me, a best friend.

My divorce has made me a stronger person. I now know that I don't have to be involved with someone to be happy. I don't have to depend on a man to be happy. I realize what went wrong. I know what happend, I know the red flags. I feel confident that I can step into a new relationship and be an adult about it.

Am I ready for a new relationship. I don't know. But I do know I'm happy. I do know that nothing will break my happiness. So I'm reminded of a quote from under the tuscan sun "When I was a little girl I used to look for hours for lady bugs. Eventually I'd give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up the ladybugs were crawling all over me. Ladybugs, lots of ladybugs." So I guess I'm going to take a nap in the grass.

Becks

Slings

In Idiot proof archery slings are a big deal. He touts on them constantly. When I shot recurve I used a finger sling, I never found it useful, it only made it a pain to get the bow outta my hand. The Parker comes with a wrist sling pre-installed. I've used it, but I didn't notice any difference, I'm still snatching.
I'm going to be in lots of different situations with the Parker. Practice at the range, target shoots, 3D shoots, and hunting situations, I just wondering if becoming dependant on a sling is a bad thing. I understand a sling is supposed to keep you from snatching the bow, so far it hasn't helped me. Maybe I'm not using it correctly.
So here is my question, do you find a sling useful?

Shot Sequence

Alright, it's going to bug me until I share this. I had MC take pictures of me in shot sequence. Lets pick them apart. Remember I'm not perfect.

Let's start right here. This is actually a different shot then the last two pictures, but here is what I think is wrong. See my grip on the bow, it's tight, and it stays that way. Can we say torque r us.

Full drawn my grip is still tight, I could choke a chicken! My arm isn't bent, My hip is forward, to bad MC cut my feet off but I bet they aren't set up right. Oh and I've really pulled that string into my face hard.



 And the conclusion, a flinch. Look my eyes are closed, I'm cringing, my arm is torqued, my hip is still in it, and I haven't followed through.

Looks like I've still got a lot of work to do. I guess I shouldn't be so tough on myself, it was the first time I shot this bow. Think I've got bad form?

Bowhunter Ed

Well I've completed bowhunter's Ed. I can offically hunt by myself! Yay for me!

Tuesday will mark the second week of my reinvention, hope it goes well!

Reinvention Part Two

My reinvention as a shooter is going remarkably well. I adjusted the poundage on the Golden Eagle up to 55 pounds. My shoulders are sore and weak but I need to crank up the poundage if I plan on taking down a moose! The Big D saw pictures of me shooting the Golden Eagle and decided it still doesn't fit me properly, so he's bought a Parker Sidekick Extreme for me. It should be here next week. I'm super excited.
My target panic has subsided. I've gotten a lot better about settling into the shot and shooting back tension. My back is still sore and now with the added poundage it's a screaming pain. A few more times and I won't have to worry because it won't be too painful. hopefully.
I'm shooting league tomorrow, five spot, here's to hoping it goes well! Wish me luck, I may need it!
Becks

Reinvention Part One

As I said before I'm reinventing myself as a shooter. It's a pretty drastic measure, but I feel it needs to be done. Week one went really well. I'm working on a blank boss setting myself up into my stance and getting comfortable with my anchors. I'm working on my release, making it back tension and consistent. I am also working on not torquing the bow, which means I have to hold it differently, I still find myself switching the hand hold and torquing the bow every few shots, but I'm catching myself. I want to be able to reach the point of no return and trust that my release and hand hold won't screw up the shot.
My back muscles are really sore. I was previously injured in a riding accident and since then my neck and shoulder muscles have never been the same. I'm not sure I'm properly shooting back tension, because it really hurts, but it could be my injury flaring up. I'm just not sure.
The main reason I want to reinvent myself is because of my target panic. Not only am I not confident in myself I am for sure panicked when it comes too shooting a target. In the 3D all of my shoots were to the right, because I'm torquing the bow at the last moment. So along with shooting a blank boss to work on my stance, hold, and release I am working on curing my target panic.
I'm happy with this weeks progress. I'm not frustrated anymore and I'm finally starting to enjoy shooting again. I've got a lot of work to do, but I've got all the time in the world to get it done. I definitely don't need to be rushing.
Next weekend is Bow hunter Ed Class. I'm super excited because afterwards I can finally start to take my hunting trips!! I get to go turkey hunting in the pine ridge in April, hog hunting in Texas sometime this summer, but what I am most excited about is my trip to moose hunt in Alaska this fall!
Sonny must be smiling down on me. I know she is because life is starting to improve, I'm starting to be happy again and become the confident young woman I once was. I just wish this stupid divorce would get a going. I really don't want to wait till June to get this over with, I'm ready now! HA!

Archery for Idiots

I'm throwing the barbie arows to the right on the boss. So tonight, after much reading and studing I've decided that I'm going to play by Bernie's rules. I've read Idiot Proof Archery from cover to cover and back again. I'm going to experiment and see how it goes. I sure wish Sonny was here, I wouldn't have developed this problem if she was.
But alas. So here goes nothing I'm going to re-invent myself as a shooter. Wish me luck!
Becks