The New Life: To The Future

 I pushed the gray harder into a faster canter. I leaned onto his neck and gave him his head. We flew across the ground, through the gate and out into the open meadow. I slowed him and sat back in the saddle.

My hands were cold, my face burned from the cold wind, my red hair whipped around me. It was a rare moment in time, a moment when I wasn't thinking, just living. I looked up at the sky as I stopped the gray. There were no clouds in the sky, only blue abyss. I sighed and leaned over the saddle onto the grays neck.

He touched my knee with his nose. I ran my hands through his mane, “I’ve got to let it all go.” I whispered. He snorted then put his nose to the ground. I sat up and watched the sandhills around me. They were calm and peaceful, there were no deer hunters left, no one to bother me.

I thought about the conversation with D about the one rein stop. The promise I had made to Beans. I closed my eyes and pictured Bowman and I sitting in the clearing. “Okay,” I whispered, “if that’s what you want.” I opened my eyes as a flock of geese flew over head. I watched and listened for a moment.

I slid out of the saddle and sunk down into the grass next to the gray. He snorted but kept grazing. “So I guess it’s time to heal.” I stated to no one in particular. I wrapped the reins around the horn, knowing the gray wouldn’t stray far. He meandered in the fall grass as I sunk down into it. The tears didn’t come like I expected, letting go wasn’t as painful as I imagined.

The sandhills have always been a place of healing for me. It was the place I ran to when I needed healing. The only place in the world that ever mattered to me. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my knees. The left one screamed with pain, I knew getting back into the saddle was going to be killer.

“Sonny, I don’t know what happened.”

It took awhile but eventually I heard her voice. “Baby Girl what happened doesn’t matter. What matters is that you realize your going to be just fine.”

“I wish we could work it out some how.”

"Honey these things happen. If he doesn’t want to work it out that’s up to him. You’ve got to accept it.”

“I know.”

“Guess what, even if he doesn’t come back your going to make it through. This storm isn’t going to last forever.”

“He came to archery the other night. The look in his eyes, I can’t explain it.”

“No one said he doesn’t still love you and miss you. No one said he doesn’t feel bad about this. I know he’s hurting over this just as bad as you are. But running was the answer he came up with. Was it wrong? Probably, but he made the decision.”

“I know. But why won’t he try again. I’d give him my everything; I’d go to the end of the Earth for him.”

“Becks, you’ve got to see this through his eyes. It’s all he knows.”

“I guess me running to Omaha isn’t any different.”

“Probably not. Why are you going?”

“I’m going because I need a fresh start. Because I can’t stand to see him with someone else.”

…Quiet…

“Sonny?”

“I was just listening.”

“I’m hoping Omaha will change something in me.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Anything.”

“Running was the answer you came up with huh.”

“Yeah.”

“Your soul says something else. Your soul says you’re leaving because you’re scared.” … Quiet …

“Scared that you’ll never heal.”

“Yep.”

“Becks, you can be broken into a million pieces and I promise you you’ll heal. You aren’t in a million pieces, just a couple. If given the chance you’ll heal, it’ll be quick, and we’ll make it less painful, you’ve just got to have faith and believe.”

… Quiet …

“When you make it to the Olympics, or where ever you end up, there will be someone there right next to you. He’ll love you with everything he has, he’ll go to the end of the Earth for you, but mostly he’ll be the one you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. He’ll be the other half of your soul.”

“Who is it then?”

“I don’t know that. I just know you won’t be alone.”

“Honest.”

“Always.”

“Kay.”

I opened my eyes. The gray was standing in the afternoon sun. A gentle breeze blew through his mane. He was handsome and elegant. “Well if he doesn’t get here in time I guess I’ve always got you.”

He looked up to me a nickered. “Okay handsome we are going to the Olympics.”

He raised his head in the fall air and whinnied. His ears flickered back and forth. He listened for a reply, then walked over to me when I didn’t answer him. “Oh I thought you were talking to the herd.” I mumbled.

He rubbed his forehead on me.

“She promises someone is there for me.”

His brown eyes seemed to absorb me, asking if I was okay.

“We’re going to be just fine.” I whispered then stood up. “Let’s start the future.”

He flipped his head almost as if to say we saw eye to eye.

I put my left foot in the stirrup and ground my teeth hard. I swung up, “Okay maybe after the knee surgery.”

He nickered.

“What are we waiting for?”

“Hey Becks.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t give up on Love.”

“Okay.”

I moved the gray into a trot and worked my way back home.