Quiet

I came across this picture in saved blogs. It was all by its self just waiting for the right words to join it. This is a picture of me and Sweet Cheeks a couple of months before my 16^th birthday, a couple of months before the accidents and pain. I don’t remember this moment in time. I don’t remember my mother taking this picture. But it seems like a moment in time when the world stopped and everything was right in the world.

I sat and starred at this picture for a while. It brought back a lot of memories about who I was then. It made me think about all the time in between then and now. I’ve changed, grown, and become a better person. I’ve also been to hell and back since that moment in time.

My world has crashed and burned at my feet more then once. I’ve done the juggling act, I’ve dropped a lot of balls, but I’ve grown and learned. Thinking about all my concerns and worries at that point in my life I can’t help but laugh. Of course I see the similarities in then and now and know that not everything has changed. I’m still a world class rider. I still have the drive and ambition to be in the show ring. I still hold myself to the highest standard in the industry. But some things have changed. I’ve become strong and independent. I’ve become my own trainer and my own cheerleader. I’ve learned that it’s not about winning; it’s about performing at your very best. I’ve learned a lot of things that the majority of show hands struggle with.

We all recover from accidents. Sometimes it takes a long time, but sometimes the recovery isn’t that long. If I had known at that moment in time about everything, every accident, mistake, or pain I would be subjected to I’m not sure I would or could have continued on the course I was on. But as think about it now and reflect I’m glad everything that happened, did. If it hadn’t been for everything that happened I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. The recovery from all my accidents has been a long struggle. There are days I still struggle with some the choices I’ve made. Often I have trouble coming to a decision because of my past. I either run to early or to late.

In the end all I can ever hope for is that I can continue on living life without regrets, that I can let the past go, and that my future is always bright. I want to stand at Heavens gates one day and reflect on the life I lived and know I did the best I can. I want to ride through the knee high grass and know that my entry fees were paid, in full.

Beck