The Stars

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." 

~Author Unknown

I stood staring up at the stars thinking about Sonny. The cold night air sent shivers down my back. I closed my eyes and imagined her across the counter from me. Her blue eyes beaming as she sucked her cancer stick down, "These things'll kill ya, ya know." I opened my eyes and heard her laugh. I smiled. "One hell of a woman." I whispered up into the stars.

I dwelled a little longer and thought about everything she said to me. The advice I absorbed from her plays throughout my head on a continuous loop. Her voice brightens my day no matter what. And when I'm shooting and I'm pissed off at myself because I can't get a grip, I silently ask for her help, and usually I get it. I know that's crazy talk, and you scoff. But I feel her guidance; I can see her standing next to me just like she did in my lessons. I can hear her say what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it. I can hear her encouragement when I get down on myself.

I talk and think about Sonny a lot. I think it's because I really miss her and feel guilty. When asked the question of whom I would spend an afternoon with dead or alive, the answer is always her. Maybe then I'd get to apologize for not listening to her about getting married. I still feel guilty that I blew her off completely, I can make all the excuses I want, but none of them ever help me feel better.

I shifted a little as the shooting star streaked across the middle of the sky. I wish I could say I wished for world peace, the end to all wars, happiness for everyone on Earth, or even for the poor to become rich, but I can’t, instead I wished for her forgiveness. I cried a little as I did, then I could hear her voice, “Girl what you crying for, I forgave you a long time ago.” I scoffed and grabbed my bow out of the car and sulked towards the house. I took one last look at the stars as I opened the door; they twinkled above, my heart sung as I felt peace wash over me.

Maybe I’ve finally reached my inner peace. Maybe she really did forgive me. And maybe, just maybe, she really is still here with me. I hope so, because I need her now more then ever.

Becks