The New Life: My Breakup Song

“Went and got my hair cut,
Got a tattoo
Nothin' lady-like
Wasn't even thinkin' 'bout you
Cause I'm bulletproof” 

I’ve changed over the past couple of days. I used to hand by bow off when I needed something adjusted. But yesterday and this evening I did it myself, and got it spot on, it only took two tries. I used to be worried about what other people were thinking, how they felt about me. But today I stepped up and owned myself. I’m a bitch when I want to be and a lady when I’m at my best. That’s Me tough shit. If you don’t like it Adios.

“I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger”

Today I didn’t cry once, not even when I was asked how he was doing. I’ve decided that no matter what I’m done crying. He choose to leave. He thinks I’m lying. But he can’t or won’t tell me about what. It’s His choice, not mine, and I won’t let it rip my heart out of my chest. I won’t spend the time crying. No sir, not anymore.

“Can you stand to see her dancin' in somebody else's arms?
Do you think that you'll go crazy every time you see her car?
If you can't scroll by her number, not dial it on your phone
Well that's all you need to know
Don't leave her
If you can't let her go”

I’m going to do right by myself, heal my own heart. I’m going to take care of myself and never depend on someone else to do that for me. I’m going to be a bitch when I need to be, and a sweet country belle when I want to be. I’m going to be the woman I need and want to be, not the woman someone else thinks I should be.

“I'm in need of a remedy to cure me from loving you
It may sound a little extreme but I'll do what I have to do
 
Bury your jacket in my backyard
Carry your picture in my shoe
Keep walkin' til the hurtin' stops
Keep walkin' til my temperture drops
Keep walkin' til the fever is gone
And your out of my bones”

So here I am, at a cross roads. Take a left and heal my heart or take a right and scream at the top of my lungs, hoping he’ll change his mind…

“If I can get through this
I can get through that
If you cut me wide open
I can cut you some slack
If you come when I'm leaving
I might never be back
I know it's not easy
just a matter of fact

If I can get through this
I can get through anything
If I can make it through this
I can get through anything”

What a decision…

“… shotgun carryin', tobacco chewin', no good blue tick hound”

Hum… What to do…

“Mind strong, Body strong
Try to find equilibrium
Head straight, screwed on
Been screwed up for too long

I don’t want to lean on the waves
I watch the storm evaporate
I think of you in starry skies”

Let's clear this up while I decide though, I never lied to him. I loved, love, him with my whole heart, why would I have reason to lie? As a good friend put it, I'm an amazing person, I don't need to lie to draw attention to myself...