The New Life: Extended Family

The coldness came quickly last night. It settled in my joints and my bones. It hurt and hurt hard. Restlessness kept me awake. Tears made my hair cold. "This isn't working out." Seemed to be ingrained on the back of my eyelids. I shook violently as I cried. Nothing could stop it, not even the sleeping pills. But I made it until D came.

I could tell by the sound of his footsteps whom was behind me. His shadow extended across the ground next to me. He took his jacket off and laid it over my shoulders. His cologne filled my nose and warmed my cold body. He didn’t say anything he just stood there next to me.

The tears had quit, my contacts were sealed to my eyes, they were bloodshot, worse then after a night of straight whiskey. I closed my eyes and leaned my head onto my knees. My left one throbbed with pain, but I ignored it. “You wanna talk about it?” He asked.

I shook my head, “hurts.” I whispered.

He sat behind me and leaned his back to mine. I straightened and leaned against him. “I understand. I’m not going anywhere. Tell me when you can.”

We sat in silence for about thirty minutes as the afternoon grew colder. “Thought you were in Dallas.”

“Family is more important.” He said quietly.

I half heartedly smiled, “you think.”

“Yes. You are sick. You need someone to be here for you.”

“Thanks D.” I whispered. “Wish you could have met Bowman.” I fought the tears back as his name fell from my mouth.

“Well.” He said. “I dunno Beck. I just don’t understand.”

“I don’t either.” I whispered as I watched the geese land on the lake. The dry summer grass moved slowly in the fall breeze. Over to the right the golden cottonwood leaves floated to the ground. “I don’t either.” I repeated.

“Que sera, sera.” He whispered.

I laughed. “Yeah.”

“Besides your bulletproof. Right?”

I snorted, “If only.”

“Well at least that was a sort of laugh.” He said.

We sat quietly for awhile as I fought trying to think about Bowman. I watched the autumn hills and wished for the days when everything would be okay, the days when life would be easy, the days when the answers came.

“Let’s take a ride this weekend.” He said. “I can fly home tonight and bring a bike up tomorrow morning. We can go where ever you damn well please.”

I closed my eyes and thought about being on a bike. “I’m not ready for that.” I whispered.

He sat quietly for awhile. “The offer stands.” He mumbled.

I crossed my legs underneath me. “Thanks for coming.”

“I promised you that no matter what I would be there. When I said it I meant it. This breakup had horrible timing. But you are a tough ranch girl. You’ll get back in the saddle and find someone new.”

I sobbed, “I don’t want someone new.”

He sighed, “Beck maybe, and I mean maybe, he will change his mind. Maybe he will show you he really does love you.”

“Maybe.” I weakly whispered.

“In the meantime, take care of yourself. Work on healing that big heart of yours. Work on finding who your meant to be. Your never alone, no matter what.” He whispered.

I pulled his coat around me. “Okay D.”

“Mom would want you to stay strong.” He said. “I can’t lose both of you to cancer.” He whispered.

“I’m not going to die.” I whispered.

“No, no your not.” He said. “I won’t let that happen.”

“Thanks for being my big brother.” I whispered

“Anytime Baby Girl, any time.”

It grew quiet. The sound of the geese chattering filled the air. I listened to a train rummbling down at Antioch, left in amazment how sound traveled. I wondered if a heart breaking made a sound.

"I'll need some leathers." I whispered.

I could hear him smile, "Where we goin?"

"Somewhere where it doesn't hurt."

"Hum... we got some options." He stated.