Last night I picked a fight, with Bowman. As the first words
stumbled out of my mouth my brain screamed to shut the fuck up. But something
kept the words coming. And by the time I had spilled most of the shitty words
he was getting pissed.
The past two weeks I’ve felt pretty shitty. Overwhelmed and
emotionally exhausted, why I don’t know, but the feels are still sitting there
in my chest. The struggle to keep the pissy outbursts has absolutely consumed me.
I wake up on the fight and go to bed on the fight. Yesterday I lost complete control.
While it’s not a good reason or excuse it is what happend. This morning
instead of the other feelings I am consumed with regret. What I said to Bowman
was completely unfair. He does so much for me and makes all the time he
possibly can. I don’t fault him for having a life, family, or friends. The
honest and true Beck understands.
I hope he can forgive me, because I still very much love
him. The real me is content with the relationship, she’s happy with every
second he can give her. I hope he sees that…
Beck
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