From the Saddle: Fear

Most of my riding career I've struggled with myself. Not my whole self just a little piece, it's the little piece that contains fear. I spent almost a whole year after a riding accident starring at my horse out in the pasture. I'd bring him in brush him then quickly turn him back out as soon as the thought of riding him crossed my mind. I didn't want to face my fear, I let it consume my every movement.
It wasn't until I started volunteering at a handicapped riding school I realized there was no reason to be fearful. The realization hit me like a flood. I remember the exact moment, its a moment that will stick with me forever. I will remember the relief as it flowed through my body.
The first time I mounted up after my accident my knuckles were white, I was shaking like an orange leaf in the fall, and I felt like I was going to vomit. But I swung my leg over and relaxed into the saddle. To my amazement everything I had feared didn't happen. I've never looked back since then. Every time I swing into the saddle I am reminded of my fear, because every time I mount up there is a surging pain through my knee. It's also that pain that reminds me there isn't a reason to be fearful.

This afternoon I watched my assistant struggle with her own fear. I encouraged her to work through it, knowing that if she walked away from the mare she might never mount up again. Once she had calmed herself down she was able to swing over. I smiled at her as she did it knowing that it was minor progress. She might not have beat the fear completely, but she has made progress.
It took over a year for me to conquer my own fear. I'm not expecting her fear to go away over night, but I'm also not accepting any excuses, she'll mount up and ride off into the sunset before I'll accept excuses, and considering she works nights that might be a long time!
I'll be with her every step of the way. I won't walk away until that fear is gone.
Becks