The hot summer air whipped hard against my skin. The tall wild grass danced in the breeze. I watched as the mare reared. Her blue eyes shinning in the summer sunshine. She squealed and rolled her eyes, her white hooves striking the summer sun. She squealed again then sunk her front end down to the ground. She bucked hard, squealed again and then took off on a dead canter around the round pen.I watched her fight the bridle and bit. She swung her head and flipped her front end into the air. I was impressed with her furry. She bucked hard and squealed again. Then as quickly as she had exploded she settled.
The birds sung in the trees across the meadow. Her ears flickered as she watched me and listened to nature around her. She snorted then started to lick her lips and turned to face me. A brief smile floated across my face. I turned my back and listened to her quiet foot steps. She stopped two feet behind me and exhaled. I turned to face her, "I understand." I whispered.
As I stood petting her, I realized her situation was much like mine. I realized her furry was much like mine. I looked into her blue eyes and realized her heart was just like mine. Her anger was based on something similar to what I felt. But one thing was different, she had come to terms with her anger. I sighed and looked out across the meadow.
The breeze had settled a little and the other horses stood grazing in the meadow. Yellow dandelions danced amongst the strands of grass. Meadow larks sung in the warm air and the pines whispered quietly. I stood quietly as I began to piece together myself. The mare stood quietly behind me, licking her sweet copper bit.
Her owner hollered out of the barn. "Beck, you okay?"
"Yes ma'am. I was just thinking."
"Okay." She disappeared back into the aisle. The mare snorted once more then touched her nose to the small of my back. I closed my eyes and began to cry.
The mare quickly lost interest in me and found a small patch of grass to nibble. The reins swung down around her ears. I stood immobile sobbing. Not really sure of what I was crying for, not really sure why I was angry, but knowing I was angry about something and knowing I needed to cry.
So I cried and cried until no more tears came. Then I took a deep breath. The mare stood napping in the warm air. The breeze was all but gone and her tail swung quietly as she tried to brush the flies off her back. The sun was beginning to become pink in the western sky. I realized that I had been in the round pen for over three hours.
I quietly walked the mare back to the barn. I untacked her and slipped her back into her stall. C stood quietly in her office, "Beck." She whispered.
I nodded, "I was just finding myself. I realized through that mare what I've been doing. I realized that I'm trying to control my life too much. But mostly I realized that I don't have to be angry because I have nothing to be angry about."
C smiled.
I looked at her,"You did that on purpose. There is nothing wrong with that mare. she's probably already broke isn't she!"
C nodded, "yeah she's green broke. But she has a tendency to explode like she did today. She reminds me of you, I thought maybe you could learn as much from her as she could from you."
I sighed, "You bitch, always trying to teach me something."
She smiled again," better now?"
"Yes ma'am."
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