The New Life: The Loss

My appearance to others has always been a struggle for me. In my head I was never thin enough or pretty enough. My hair was never right, my eyes weren't the right color, my smile never as beautiful as it should be. For a lot of years I dealt with criticism from my own family about my weight. Then this past January I committed to losing the weight. I had developed enough venom to really put myself into it 100 percent. Two people in specific gave me that push. One for a bad reason the other for a good.
So I dropped twenty pounds between January and March. I was pretty proud of myself. I felt great, I felt alive again. Then all of the sudden I fell off the wagon. I stopped working out, I blew the diet out the window, and I lost my venom.
Two weeks ago I heard some intriguing news through a friend. I let the news stew inside me for awhile, then like a rattlesnake I struck. I woke up one morning, earlier then normal, about 2:30, got dressed and struck out the door and down the road on a run. My calves burned, my lungs stung in the cold air, and the sweat grew cold under my hoodie. But I pushed myself for that mile. I pushed hard.
By the time I got back to the house at 3:30, I was exhausted. But I had chores to do and a shower to take. Through the pain in my calves, I felt great and happy. I went to work and had one of the best days. The energy pulsed through my body as I thought about getting back on the wagon. My goal for 50 pounds by May is out the window, but I'm thinking 50 total pounds by August is reachable.
I've developed a support system recently. People to help push me when I want to quit. It helps 110 percent to have someone in your corner. It makes a diet seem a little more bearable. So here we go, I've got the running shoes laced and the lettuce in the fridge, even though I'm not very excited about the lettuce. 50 pounds by August. It's a goal I'm not willing to let myself give up on. Because even though I might not be pretty in anyone else's eyes, I'm pretty in my own, no matter what.
Becks

Thanks Miranda for the picture. I had to use it in my blog because it is such a beautiful picture of me. Why? Because right there that smile is the real me and I haven't seen her in awhile.