My feet hit the pavement hard, my red hair whipped in the wild wind, music blared through my ears, my lungs stung hard, my calves ached with pain, but I pushed myself harder. I picked up the pace and pushed for the last quarter mile.
I reached the top of the hill that marks two miles. I slowed and sunk to my hands and knees, panting, barley able to breathe. Through the gasps for air tears streamed down my face. Worries about work and family flooded me. I sobbed harder and sucked cold air into my lungs.
I stayed on my knees in the gravel until I caught my breath. I sat down and looked out into the valley. The cows were grazing peacefully, unaware of any troubles in life. I was still crying, but my anxiety medicine had kicked in. I took deep breaths and relaxed. I listened to the wind whipping through the short grass. I could smell the alkaline lakes in the valley.
I closed my eyes and let the sandhills soothe my soul. I replayed recent, happy, memories in my head. I relaxed, the tears subsided, and so did the fear. “It’s all just a game.” I could hear him say, “Just a game.” I laughed, “Yes your right.” I mumbled then stood up and wiped the gravel off of me.
The walk home seemed longer then the run. My body begged for mercy. I pushed on and finally made it home. I went straight to the tub and sunk into a bubble bath. I relaxed and stopped worrying. I’m not entirely sure what relaxed me. Maybe it was the happy memories. Maybe it was knowing that my safe harbor is very close.
I did decide that no matter what I’m not going to let people fuck with me anymore. I’ve learned over the past couple of weeks that you can’t carry work home with you. It has to stay at work. I’m making an effort to leave it there. I’m also making an effort to improve in my job. We will see how it goes. But no matter what I’m not going to let people mess with me anymore. I’m done playing those games, life is too damn short…
No comments:
Post a Comment