The Road to a New Life, the conclusion: Inner Peace

Its been a long time coming. I've written and re written this post over and over in my head. I am constantly thinking about my inner peace and pure happiness. A lot has happened in my past, I've struggled very hard with bitterness and depression. But I'm relieved to say that I finally feel inner peace and pure happiness.
It all accumulated today when my divorce was finalized. Sitting there in the court room as the judge announced my maiden name will be restored and that the marriage has been dissolved I realized all the pain and suffering I'd been inflicted in the past does not matter anymore. True happiness rushed over me as it finally sunk in that this is and will be my second chance. I'm going to be fighting tooth and nail to continue to be happy. But I've learned how to make myself happy.

Shooting is what makes me happy. Loping my horses through the tall prairie grass makes me happy. Snuggling with my corgis makes me happy. Working makes me happy. But it's living life without any regret that makes me the happiest.

The last seven months have been the darkest in my entire life. But as I look back at all the things that made it bad I realize that every single thing made me a stronger person. Losing Sonny was probably the worst. It came at the most in opportune time. But as I think about it today I realize that I never lost her, she will always be with me in my heart. As I watch and help the little girls at the range I think about her and everything she taught me. I wonder if one day I might be to them what she is to me, a best friend.

My divorce has made me a stronger person. I now know that I don't have to be involved with someone to be happy. I don't have to depend on a man to be happy. I realize what went wrong. I know what happend, I know the red flags. I feel confident that I can step into a new relationship and be an adult about it.

Am I ready for a new relationship. I don't know. But I do know I'm happy. I do know that nothing will break my happiness. So I'm reminded of a quote from under the tuscan sun "When I was a little girl I used to look for hours for lady bugs. Eventually I'd give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up the ladybugs were crawling all over me. Ladybugs, lots of ladybugs." So I guess I'm going to take a nap in the grass.

Becks