The New Life: Almost there

My heart no longer stops in my chest when I hear a motorcycle roll by. I no longer turn my head when I pass one to see if it’s the blue king, or someone I recognize. I no longer feel upset when I swing my leg over the seat. I do, however refuse to ride anything but a Harley.

I no longer cringe when I see a white Dodge drive by. I no longer think about the first time I rode in that pickup or the conversations we had on its tailgate. But every time I see it I do think that I in fact need my own big Dodge.

My bow no longer reminds me of those late summer nights. It no longer reminds me how he had helped me get most of my issues sorted out, how he had ordered me to shoot a different release, or even the challenge. My bow does remind me of the fact I’m going to the Vegas Open in February. It makes me think of my desire to go to the Olympics. It pushes me hard in a direction I’m happy to go.

The feeling of laying my head on More’s shoulder doesn’t remind me of him. Sitting in the pickup listening to the radio, dancing in my seat, doesn’t remind me of the morning of the horse show. Sitting on the tailgate talking under the stars doesn’t remind me of anything he ever promised me. The look I get from More when we both realize where this is going, it doesn’t stop my heart and remind me of the only other man I felt this for.

But there is that .1% of the time when none of this matters. It’s the .1% of the time when it’s quiet. When I’m alone at home, or for a brief second when I’m playing pool at the bar, or for the thirty seconds the stop light is red, or the .1% of the time when I’m simply in a bad place.

99.9% of the time I’m healed……

99.9% of the time I’m the new me……..

99.9% of the time he’s simply the past…..

But there is that .1% of the time when I miss him more then words can express.