Unbridled Happiness: Goodbye to the Past

This morning I woke up around four. I’m still in my work routine. The past couple of days I’ve been able to fall back asleep, but today I couldn’t. So I got out of bed and got dressed to run. I haven’t been out running in awhile, my doctor ordered me not to because of my broke rib.

I pulled the ipod out of the dresser drawer and clipped it on. I laced my running shoes up and stepped out into the cold fresh air. I snuggled in my hoddie as I warmed up. My mind was quiet and at peace, but I still needed the run.

I got down to the oiled road and struck out into a jog. Slow at first, just enough to test my muscles, just enough to make sure I could breath. When I didn’t collapse onto the ground I considered it a good sign. I picked up the pace and moved out faster.

Through the cottonwoods down the road past the pond and circle, up the road to the two mile mark. I was there before I realized it. I had pushed the physical and mental pain out of my mind and let my feet move me. I sat down on the top of the hill and looked out onto the meadow. It was quiet. I could see the faint outlines of trees, houses, and animals. I closed my eyes and realized I was crying.

Tennessee’s words were there, under the surface, lingering. I realized that he was right, I am a different person. I thought about how we hadn’t talked in six months. I thought about why I had called him, what had made me dig his number up. I realized that I really did call him because our relationship is easy. It’s not even a relationship, it’s simply someone to fall asleep with at night. We have no ever lasting connection. He has no wish to settle down. We are polar opposites. But it’s easy, easy because there is no everlasting commitment.

I dug my phone out of my hoodie pocket and found his phone number. I didn’t stare at it, I didn’t attempt to memorize it, I simply deleted the contact. “You are right, I don’t need you.” I sighed and put the phone back in my pocket. I looked up at Heaven, “if only it was always that easy.”

I stood up and moved back into a jog. Unbridled Happiness, I’ve still got it, and today it became a little bit stronger.

Oh and how does the knee feel? It fucking hurts! Thanks for asking.