Unbridled Happiness: The Beginning

It stung a little bit when I had to wait for him to pass so I could turn into work’s parking lot. It was my punishment for snoozing the alarm clock. I sighed closed my eyes hoping he wasn’t looking at me and counted to ten. The headlights passed by and I opened my eyes. He was in the rear view mirror, right where he should be. I sighed, “Handsome, my dear you torture me so.”  I parked my car in the parking lot and thought for a moment, “wait, it’s okay.” I shut the car off and walked into work. “No pain, wait what’s this.” I thought to myself. “Over him.” I realized. It rushed to me hard. It was the final ending to my hanging on. So this afternoon when I realized he had unfriended me on Facebook I was okay with that decision. “Guess we can’t be friends.” I thought to myself.

I sat down in the backroom and starred at my phone. There was a lingering text from Bowman, one that I hadn’t dealt with because my heart was too broken. “Okay.” I mumbled as I opened the text. “You’re my dream girl baby.”

I sighed as I stared at it. “I may be over him, but I’m NOT over you.” I mumbled. I closed the text and stared at the clock on the wall. The tears were welling.

I dialed D, feeling weak.

“Hey sweetheart. What’s up?” His voice was comforting.

“Well I’m over Handsome but not Bowman.” I mumbled

“Oh that’s progress.” He said. “Remember what I told you about running back to Bowman.”

“We need not worry about that, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want me back.” I mumbled.

This evening I sat staring out at the already darkened sky. I sighed then took a drink of my whiskey. In all honesty I should have been getting ready for my party, but instead I was hanging on to Bowman. I watched as a shooting star streaked across the sky. “One more wish.” That’s what I did, made one last wish. It wasn’t the same one I made on my birthday. It wasn’t a wish I had ever made before. It was a new wish, the wish that I honestly want.

My phone rang but I ignored it. I sat listening and watching. Then as quickly as I had wished it, it washed over me. Unbridled Happiness. I sighed, took another drink and thought about the future, the happiness that will be there. The continuation of the New Life. The new path I’ve chose and what I’ve decided to leave behind.

I’m leaving behind the worrying about other people’s opinions of me. I’m leaving behind my ex husband, Handsome, and maybe Bowman. I’m leaving behind every unhappy moment I’ve ever had. I’m leaving the pain, heartache, questions, and a small part of me wants to leave behind the hoping.

What I’m running to. An education, a chance to follow my dreams, and maybe somewhere along the line I will find Mr. Right. I made a statement last year, “If I meet Mr. Right he’s just going to have to wait.” But I don’t really want him to wait; I want him to ride along with me. I want him there to help me untangle the knots. I want him cheering for me as I make it into the Pro Circuit. But if Mr. Right isn’t ready to be with me, if Fate isn’t ready for him to step into my life, then that’s okay to. I’ll make it on my own, I’ve been a fighter from day one, and I’ll fight like Hell now. Cause I gained Unbridled Happiness tonight, and I plan on keeping it.

But “I’m still not over you.”