The New Life: Home Sickness

Today I find myself missing Omaha. The whole time I lived in Omaha I really wanted to be in Alliance. Now that I live in Alliance, my hometown, I find myself really wishing I lived in Omaha. Don’t get me wrong I’m fairly happy here. I have a good job that I enjoy most days and I live on the family ranch and ride my horses everyday. I can see the stars at night and watch the sunrise and set in the hills. I have great friends here. I’m happy, I posses inner peace, something that never existed within me in Omaha.

When I start to miss Omaha it’s usually because I’m missing someone or some place in Omaha. Right now it’s the girl I consider to be my best friend. She’s going through a really tough time. Her job has become really hard on her, she and her high school sweetheart broke up, she is now a single parent, and her mother is on her death bed. Kells got me through a lot in high school. I met her the day after we moved to Omaha. She became my confidant; the one I knew was always in my corner. If anyone can read me like a book, it’s her. I don’t have siblings, well except for Kells, she’s the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever have. I wish I could wrap her in a hug and reassure her she’s going to make it through. I wish her life would get easier. I wish I could be in Omaha right now just for her.

The place I miss most is the shooting range. I could drive to it on my sleep. I could shoot the range with my eyes closed. I can still hear Sonny’s laugh and smell her cigarettes. I can hear the arrows flying down range and the classic rock playing over the stereo. I can still picture most of the regulars and see F Street out the front windows.

The second place I miss is the horse barn in Elkhorn. I can still hear the sleeping horses and the sound of tack and buckles hitting the rails. I can hear Brenda providing orders to her clients down in the arena. I can smell the horses and feel the wood shavings against my skin. I can feel the breeze flow through the aisles and hear the tractor rumbling out in the paddocks. I can see Amy’s smile and her happy appy standing in the cross ties.

The last place I miss is home. My momma’s home was always my sanctuary. I can still feel the carpet between my toes and see the yard through the windows, sunlight streaming in warming the cockles of my heart and soul. I can feel the purest happiness as I snuggle on her couch and watch House or Ghost Hunters or Real Housewives. I can feel the sticky keyboard of the computer I did most of my homework on. I can smell dinner cooking in the oven. Happiness, pure happiness is what I feel the most.

What I miss the most about Omaha is the activity and the availability. If you want to go do something on the weekend, there’s something locally to do. If you break your bow or lose a piece of tack there is a store open. If you want to plant the most beautiful flower bed in town there is a nursery. Need to fix something in the house; well you’ve got a few home repair stores to choose from. Need a new rifle, there are six outdoor stores locally, you don’t even have to cross the river! And you feel like having a drink and going to gamble, well lets cross the bridge and waste the night at the casino.

I miss the events, the taste of Omaha, the farmers market, the art in the park. I miss the mounted police and the horse drawn wagons in old town. I miss people not knowing where my hometown is, “Alliance is that even in Nebraska?” I just miss Omaha.

I wish I could transplant a piece of Omaha right here to Alliance. I'd transplant Kells or bring Momma home for good. Maybe I'd bring the taste of Omaha here or even Shakespeare on the green. I'd bring old town here or Spaghetti works. Maybe the bow shop Woods and Waters or the tack store The Paddock. How about Funny Bone comedy club. I suppose that would never work. But I do have a small piece of Omaha with me, it's my Bellevue East t-shirt, guess I'll go put that on and see if it helps.

They say the only remedy for homesickness is to go home. Sometime soon I’ll have to pack my bags and escape for a few days. Escape back to the place that used to be the most dreaded place in the entire world. Would I move back? I dunno, am I ready to visit, hell yes… So watch out Omaha here I come!

Becks

The New Life: Momma

My momma is a world class woman. Of course almost everyone says that about their momma, cause most of the time its true. But my momma, she's special. She's done so much for me. She raised me on her own and turned me into a pretty great adult, or so I'd like to think. She led by example and always taught me what was right.
She's given me a lot of hope and advice throughout the years. When I was in my darkest days she pulled me through. She always has the right words to heal the wounds or make the happiness grow. Shes there for me no matter what. I love my momma for all the unconditional love she provides me.
It's nice to have someone so great in your corner. I just wish we lived closer because I miss her everyday.
Love you Mom, Happy Mother's Day
Rebecca

A Bowhunter's Legacy: Connection

I knocked my arrow, drew back anchored and settled into the shot. I focused on the target behind my pin and stopped wrestling it. I relaxed and started to push and pull. My trigger went off and I heard the arrow smack the target. I ignored where it had hit and drew again, following the same sequence. The trigger went off and I heard the arrow hit. Once again I drew, release the trigger and then settled my bow onto the bow stand. I walked down range expecting to see arrows all over the target, but instead I found a nice group. Three arrows level to center but a little to the left.
I smiled and relaxed into the rest of my shots. Some were good some were bad but I never held onto the shots, once they were out of my control I let them go and didn't worry about them. I shot so much better. I have finally made the connection in my head, being relaxed equals better shots.
I cased my bow and came home, happy with the improvement, but knowing full well the struggle isn't over yet. I still have some bad habits and I have to get over them, hopefully my pro will be able to help me with that.

Becks

The New Life: The Loss

My appearance to others has always been a struggle for me. In my head I was never thin enough or pretty enough. My hair was never right, my eyes weren't the right color, my smile never as beautiful as it should be. For a lot of years I dealt with criticism from my own family about my weight. Then this past January I committed to losing the weight. I had developed enough venom to really put myself into it 100 percent. Two people in specific gave me that push. One for a bad reason the other for a good.
So I dropped twenty pounds between January and March. I was pretty proud of myself. I felt great, I felt alive again. Then all of the sudden I fell off the wagon. I stopped working out, I blew the diet out the window, and I lost my venom.
Two weeks ago I heard some intriguing news through a friend. I let the news stew inside me for awhile, then like a rattlesnake I struck. I woke up one morning, earlier then normal, about 2:30, got dressed and struck out the door and down the road on a run. My calves burned, my lungs stung in the cold air, and the sweat grew cold under my hoodie. But I pushed myself for that mile. I pushed hard.
By the time I got back to the house at 3:30, I was exhausted. But I had chores to do and a shower to take. Through the pain in my calves, I felt great and happy. I went to work and had one of the best days. The energy pulsed through my body as I thought about getting back on the wagon. My goal for 50 pounds by May is out the window, but I'm thinking 50 total pounds by August is reachable.
I've developed a support system recently. People to help push me when I want to quit. It helps 110 percent to have someone in your corner. It makes a diet seem a little more bearable. So here we go, I've got the running shoes laced and the lettuce in the fridge, even though I'm not very excited about the lettuce. 50 pounds by August. It's a goal I'm not willing to let myself give up on. Because even though I might not be pretty in anyone else's eyes, I'm pretty in my own, no matter what.
Becks

Thanks Miranda for the picture. I had to use it in my blog because it is such a beautiful picture of me. Why? Because right there that smile is the real me and I haven't seen her in awhile.

From the Saddle: Spring Canter

As promised here is the new series From the Saddle!

This afternoon I spent some time in the saddle. It was a much needed break from my crazy life. Legend had spent the better part of the morning giving a new jumper a lesson. I decided that we both just needed a nice long canter through the hills, so we went.
I opened the gate, tacked him up, and away we went, into the hills. He settled nicely into a walk and then a trot. The wind had settled and there were big puffy clouds in the sky. I relaxed and took a deep breath of the fresh spring air. A pair of pheasants skittered through the grass and then finally flushed up into the sky. Legend's ears moved a little as he watched them, "it's alright." I crooned. He crested his neck and let a little crow hop out. "Alright lets go."
I asked for a smooth canter, he easily took it in stride and moved out. I settled into the saddle and smiled a little. My soul sung as we cantered across the meadow. I slowed him as we came to the wet spots. He settled easily and crested his neck. Mud flung up onto my jeans. The smell of fresh soil filled my lungs.
We worked our way across the meadow and road up into the soft hills. Then I really put him to work. I asked for a canter, he moved easily into it and cantered through the soft, thawed, dirt. "Easy." I crooned as we topped one hill and cantered down it. His gray mane floated in the wind.
Eventually I slowed him back down to a walk and pointed him towards home. I laid the reins across his neck and let him do the walking. There is no other horse on this planet I would trust as far as I trust him. Soon we reached the gate and eventually the hitching post. He waited patiently while I dismounted. I rubbed him down, actually brushed him, then let him lose back into the pasture where his mare stood waiting for him.
He found a soft patch of dirt and rolled. I sat on the mounting block and watched them for a long while. My heart was happy, I was happy, the world for that brief moment in time didn't matter to me. I watched him and his mare communicate with ear flickers. I figured he was telling her about the hard work I had just put him through.
Eventually time will come where I will be able to spend hours in the round pen and on the backs of my horses. Eventually my crazy life will allow me some peace. It might be soon, but then again it might not be. But if I can get two hours of peace a week, like I did today, well then everything is going to be just fine.
Becks

Welcome to The New Life

When I first realized I was going to be going through a divorce I started the series The Road to a New Life. It was filled with my whining about my ex. My hurt feelings, and complaining about how hard it was to move forward. Ugh. But it did help me get through some really rough times, it was my outlet.

I've been separated and divorced now for six months. My life has completely changed in that short amount of time. I'm optimistic once again. I'm happy and full of life. The original, real, Beck is back, and here to stay.

So I decided that I would start a new series entitled, The New Life. I am also going to be adding a horse series entitled, From the Saddle, which will contain only adventures from the saddle and show ring. Both will be joining A Bowhunter's Legacy, which has pretty much taken over this blog, weekly.

So Let's Start of The New Life, right here and now!

A Month's Progress

There is always something about April that turns me upside down, it's like Topsy turvy month! When I was younger I always blamed it on the weather changes. In Nebraska the weather goes from winter to summer in about two days, but for some reason this April has been different. We are still getting small, insignificant, amounts of snow, and if you know anything about me it's that I hate snow. This year I'm thinking I can't blame my Topsy turvy emotions on the weather. Instead I know for sure what the problem is, major life changes.
I happy with my life changes. The original Beck is back. I've developed my outgoingness (yes I'm pretty sure I made that word up), happiness, and spirit for life once again. There was a period of about 14 days where I had reverted back into my old ways, mostly because of my ex and the fact that my bow isn't cooperating with me, but the morning I woke up and realized I wasn't happy was the morning I shut all of that down. Sure I'm still struggling with my bow, and im not sure ive made all the right decisions, but that doesn't mean it has to effect me so drastically.
The life changes were for the best. I really enjoy being happy again. I really know now that the only way I will ever be truly happy is if I make myself happy, I can't depend on someone else to do that for me. I've committed myself to continue on with my happiness and changes. I'm ready to move on, I've stopped questioning that fact, I am ready.

Welcome to the New Life, It's going to be an unforgettable ride!
Becks

Shooting Through the Pain

A couple of days ago I was in a horse accident. My horse went left and I rode him right, all the way to the ground. I smacked my head on the ground hard enough to make my nose bleed. If it hadn't been for my helmet I probably would have broke my head. I bruised my back and shoulders and am probably suffering from whip lash. I have a bruise the size of Texas on my back and another one the size of Rhode Island on my leg. I'll live of course, but it really shook me up. Even worse then some of the other accidents I've been in, simply because I fell on concrete.

I'm shooting back tension now, guess what you have to use to shoot back tension, your back muscles! Mine are currently bruised and throbbing with pain! Shooting through the pain is not impossible, it's just painful! I'm shooting 60 arrows a day right now, working my way up to 100. I've been really inconsistent as of late, let's blame that on my injury. Sounds like a plan.
My goals after the pain is gone is to consistently shoot back tension, and stop trigger punching. That may very well require a back tension release. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure it will. With a back tension only release I can shoot a two or less inch group, with my current trigger I am shooting a six or greater inch group. That's inconsistency if you ask me.

If I could get rid of this target panic I'd be golden. Ugh, I guess I shouldn't worry to much, I've got time to get everything sorted out...

Becks

Pull, Pull, PULL!

I had my pro lesson up at Black Hills Archery today. It was great, my pro is a really great teacher and I walked away from my lesson with no frustration. He properly fit my bow to me and helped me work on my bow arm. I have been having a problem with dropping my arm, it took five shots and that was fixed. Then we moved on to the more difficult thing, back tension.
I must say I really like shooting back tension. It does make my muscles sore, but I'm hoping that once my muscles develop my back won't hurt so bad. So now I need to invest in a reliable back tension release, with a safety.
Right now I'm not so worried about where I am hitting. I'm worried about my form and pushing and pulling. I have to set myself up then close all conversations with myself and think, pull, pull, PULL! It works and I just love the surprised feeling, I'm not sure why but I do. Maybe it's because its not frustration!
Well I'm off to shop for a release. Any recommendations?
Becks

Season Close

The 3d season at my local club closed this past weekend. I shot three out of four sets of tournaments this year. I had a blast doing it, I learned a lot, and made some good friends. It was an up hill battle all the way, but I fought tooth and nail to get it done. I thought about quiting more then once, but I fought with myself to keep going. It helped to have encouragement by those new friends of mine.

I've got a couple of months before the season starts again, which means I have a lot of time to sort my shooting technique out. C taught me to do what's right by me. So I intend to shoot and shoot and shoot some more until I get consistent. If that means 40 arrows every single day, then that is what it means.

There are several hunting trips planned for me this year. I'm pumped about all of them, but I do need to build confidence in myself. I feel like if I walk into the hunting trips without being prepared and being the best shooter I can possible be by then, well then I've not only let myself down but I've let everyone pulling for me down too.

So I've set some goals for myself to accomplish by the end of summer.
I want to have a consistent draw and anchor. No more changing anchor points every shot.
I want to be able to have a grip on the bow that doesn't inhibit it from shooting the best it possibly can.
I also want to be shooting paper at 20, 30, 40, and 50 yards.

My goals for next season? Well I haven't set any yet. I'm just focusing on the next couple of months. But seriously I HAVE to get my act together...

The Jump

Yesterday was a beautiful day, it actually felt like spring! A feeling I have been longing desperately for. The beautiful day enabled me to get a little riding done. With the help of Jase I set up a small course with low jumps. I warmed Sweet Cheeks up and focused myself. All my rambling worries and thoughts drowned in concentration.
I moved the gray into a canter and focused harder on what I wanted to do. I counted rhythmically in my head, one, two, three. Up. I stood in my stirrups as the gray jumped over the bars. Happiness, relief, and joy flooded my body. I had to stop the gray to hug him. I wrapped my arms around his thick neck and breathed horse.
He chomped hard on the bit, wondering why we had stopped mid course. Wrapped tightly in joy I was unaware I had alarmed Jase. He touched my leg, "are you okay." I sat up in my stirrups. "Uh huh. I'm just over whelmed with joy."
Jase looked at me funny. I paused, "It's a feeling I can't explain." I looked out across the meadow and watched the meadow larks play in the grass. "It's a feeling that everything is right in the world."
He smiled, "I understand. I've watched you struggle and I am happy you are finally happy."
"Thank you." I whispered. He smiled and walked back to where he had been sitting. I watched the birds a little bit longer and melded once again with my horse.

I plan to get back on the jumper circuit this summer. I have the perfect opportunity and I no longer feel depressed about riding. I've made some new friends here who all ride. I've made connections with people on the jumper circuit out here. I'm going to go for it and not let me inhibitions hold me back. I've got talent, or so I've been told, and it'll be a shame to let it all go to waste.
I'd forgotten how much I really enjoy jumping...
Becks

What Shooting Taught Me About Myself

First off I wanted to share my tournament results. I didn't break my personal best, but I did break 200 both days, I'm extremely happy. Friday night I shot a 202 and on Saturday I shot a 222. I quickly learned what is making me jump my scores, it's the team I shoot with. When I shoot with the guys who help me with the yardage, watch my shoots, help me correct improper form, and tell me what a great shot I just made; when in fact I felt great about the shot. Then I jump my score. Positive thinking equals positive shooting.

I've decided on trying a back tension release. The shooter, C, whom I've been watching and shooting with the last couple of tournaments recommended one of them. I've watched C shoot for the last couple of shoots and today I finally asked for his help, and guess what he's set me straight. He taught me to do what is right for me and not worry about proper form. If I can hit paper at twenty yards with an open hand and back tension, then that's what I need to do. He's right of course, and I already knew it. But it took me so so long to recognize it.
I learned about myself in these last two shoots. I've learned that positive thinking really influence me. I've learned to listen to my gut. But most of all C taught me that I can stand up for myself and shoot however I damn well please!
So I guess I'm not going to let anyone, except myself, change who I am. I'm still going to take my pro lesson, just because I want to hear what he has to say. I mean I'm still open to suggestions and infact I LOVE advice but I'm not going to let anyone FORCE me to change how I shoot. I do believe Sonny told me that once, "Don't let anyone change the way you shoot. You are a world class shooter, don't lose confidence in yourself." I've spent to long letting others dictate to me how to shoot. I've spent to long letting others dictate how I live my life. But through shooting recently I've developed a spine and I intend to keep it.
My confidence is high, I don't intend to let it be broken again. The real me is back!!!
Becki

No Improvement

I'm still stuck in a rut. A deep deep rut. This weekend I spent six hours shooting. There was no improvement. Even after all the repairs to the bow. So I've bit the bullet, I made an appointment for a pro lesson up at Black Hills Archery in Rapid City South Dakota. Its a drive, that's for sure. But It HAS to be done, I have to figure out my problem.
I know one lesson isn't a guarantee that all my problems will be solved, but hopefully my instructor will be able to tell me what I'm doing wrong and tell me how to fix it. I've heard rave reviews about him, I hope he's as good as the say. This may be the make it or break it point. I'm tired of struggling, I just want mild improvement!

This weekend I'm shooting the season closer here at the range. I know I shouldn't be competing, but I have to, I can't help myself. Miss Abbie and Chief will be shooting with us. I'm really excited for her, she's a lot of fun. I've helped her get back into shooting and it makes me happy to see her hitting the bulls eye right off the bat, even though I have nothing to do with it. She's a natural and I am soooo happy she's gotten back into it!
There is talk about starting a women's league next year. I think it's a great idea and I hope we can recruit more women to shoot with us. Here I am talking about the future, I guess I'm not completely ready to give up, I'm just close...
Becks

That Explains A LOT!

When I went from shooting half an inch of the paper at sixty yards to shooting two inches off the paper I was very mad. I figured since the arrow was hitting low I was dropping my arm. When I went from shooting dead on to shooting left at thirty yards I was even more mad. I figured I was torquing the bow.
When I went from dropping and to the left back to wall shoots I was furious. And then the light at the end of the tunnel struck me like a train. MC was examining my bow, figuring something had gone wrong. Sure enough the cams were out of time. He went to reset the cams and realized that the cams weren't properly installed. So he fixed it.
I shot six arrows out of it after he repaired it. Paper all the way, dead center. The true test will be Thursday when I shoot foam once again. We shall see but so far I am relieved to find that it wasn't really me all along!!! Wish me luck I'm hoping to have solved my current laments!
I still intend to spend the summer on a blank bale, making my form top notch. I really want to shoot the Cheyenne triple crown, but I'm going to have to be a lot more consistent to do that. I have a new shooting buddy, Miss Abbie. She's picked up shooting once again, a lot like I did, after a long vacation. She is already shooting dead on at 20 and 30 yards. She'll be ready for the last shoot of the season, and I am I really looking forward to having her there with me, she's a blast!!!
As for lessons, the Big D assures me he'll teach me a thing or two when he gets here. I hope so, cause hes the best I know!
Becks

Lost and Found

I went through my tack trunk this morning. I hadn't been in it for probably two years. I keep my show equipment in it. I rummaged around looking and inspecting each piece, making sure it was all okay for this years season.
I sat in the newly green grass and enjoyed the smell of leather and horse sweat. A cool breeze blew through my fleece coat, but it didn't bother me, the sun warmed my back. I smiled as I remembered all the memories I had made. I thought of all the twists and turns I had been on through all of this.
When I got to the bottom of the tack trunk I found a lone ribbon pressed firmly against the plastic box, a photograph attached to it. DW stood next to me beaming ear to ear. My horse was mid yawn as I cringed in the saddle.
I fought back tears as I thought of the day. It was they day I knew he really did love me as his own. I had been thrown from my saddle in the middle of the show. My back ached hard as I remounted and finshed the class. I of course didn't win, I placed five out of five. But DW was proud of me none the less. I remember what he said to me, "That's what real cowgirls do. They get back up and finish. I'm proud of you baby girl."

I tucked the picture and ribbon into my coat pocket and crammed the tack back into the trunk. I stood up shoved it into the tack room and walked back to the house. I paused mid way as it suddenly struck me, it was his birthday.
I pulled the picture from my pocket one last time. I smiled again as I thought about the day. I looked up at the sky. "I miss you too." I whispered. The breeze softened a little. I smiled again and lingered a little longer.
Becki

The Wake

"Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back"

I thought that specific line from Florence and the Macines' song Dog Days are Over fit so perfectly for this post. I thought, while I was struggling through my divorce that the wake would be the worst part. But so far it hasn't been. Sure I've gotten into at least one mess in two weeks, but I've quickly remedied the situation.
But like Florence says the Dog Days are over. My life isn't miserable anymore. I don't lay in bed and pray that I don't have to get up. Most mornings I bounce out of bed and head to work, where I spend my time building friendships and relationships with my customers. I've made so many new friends and immersed myself into the Archery life.

The enjoyment of living has started to come back. Of course I'm not saying everyday is perfect, but everyday brings challenges for me to over come. I love the thrill of a challenge. I'm living my life one day at a time. I'm breathing every breath and thinking about every moment.

God has given me a chance to make my life my own. He's guided me to this very point in time and he'll continue to guide me further. The reasons for my divorce are my own, God lead me to this answer. The morning I watched the doe walk away from her buck I knew what He meant. When I asked for the answer He gave it to me. I've asked for a lot of guidance from him, and when I listen I get what I've asked for. When I don't listen is when I get myself into a mess.

There is something I want really badly. I've wanted it for awhile, but I've been extra patient. I'm thinking I'm going to have to continue to be extra patient with it. Which is fine because that is what God wants. He's teaching me a lesson.

My friends have been quizzing me about what I want in a potential boyfriend. It gives me pause. I have a list made out in my head, but I have to think about how flexible I am with it. Curious? Alright I'll show you the list.
1. An outdoorsman, Rifleman, bowman, or Horseman
2. Reliable
3. Generous and considerate
4. Excellent with kids. Wants a family of his own eventually
5. Patient
6. This one is a biggie and is non flexible, faithful!

There's the list. How flexible am I? I'm not sure, but number six is non flexible, I'll never go through what I've been through ever again.
In the meantime the wake hasn't been to bad. There haven't been any tidal waves, and I'm not anticipating any. I'm looking toward the future. But most of all I'm happy. After all the Dog Days are over.
Becki

Love the Spring

Its been really nice weather for the last two weeks. Things have been moving forward at such a quick pace that I've hardly had time to breath. I've been shooting my bow a lot. I need to be practicing as much as I can, next week I'm going turkey hunting with the Big D in the Pine Ridge. I've also been shooting my handgun a lot, I have concealed handgun class coming up in May, I'm pretty excited for that. But most of all I've been riding a lot.
Today it was cold and windy with a little bit of snow but a close friend of mine came down to ride today so we rode. Boo boo is becoming buddy sour. It's going to take a lot of time and work to get him to settle back down. But right now I've got to many irons in the fire. So he may be going to a friend so he can work him for me. Ugh, I absolutely hate not being able to train my horses everyday. This summer I've lined up help to train all of the horses in the North pasture. That totals twelve. It's going to be a busy summer I can already tell.

I've been working with the archery club for a couple of months now. I've come up with some ideas I need to run past the president of the club but I'm really excited because I think he'll like the ideas too. One is to add a Ladies shoot to the season and possible add another shoot to the season. I also want to line up a end of season party for the club. My hopes are that it will attract some new members and keep the club growing and running.
In the mean time I've been shooting great. Paper all the way. We shot 3D this last week. I did pretty well. Only hitting the wall 4 times out of 20 was pretty exciting to me. They were mostly fives, but at least they were foam!!! I'm going to keep working hard. After the season ends I intend to go back to the blank bale and work all summer until deer season in September to get myself to setup the same way every time, and to make good shots right out of the box. Oh so much work. I really wish there was an archery coach close by. Maybe next time I'm in Omaha I'll have to line up a lesson. We'll see....
Becks

In Love

I told myself I wouldn't fall in love again, not for awhile at least. Love isn't for me right now, I'm not saying love isn't for me ever, but at this moment in time love just isn't right. But then again I've only shot the Pink Parker five times now and I'm in love. So maybe love is in the cards.

I've never shot such a nice handling bow. If I could get it together as a shooter the performance of my Parker would be outstanding. Don't get me wrong it performs exceptionally well, but if I was a better shooter it would be performing even better. I love to shoot. I love my bow and my custom arrows. I love how it makes me feel to have that Parker in my hand. I love the thrill of the shoot and the feeling of the bow rocking in my hand. I love it all.

After I broke myself down this past weekend I starred at my bow in it's case, the pink camo glowing in the florescent lights. I thought about what a shame it would be to never shoot that bow again. It actually made me cry. Struggling as a shooter is really bothering me, nothing has ever bothered me as much.It broke my heart to think about quiting. Much like my divorce broke my heart. But quitting archery would have been ten times more painful. Thinking about never uncasing that bow again made me cry. Thinking about all the people I'd be letting down made me cry even harder.

I called the Big D earlier today and confessed how I felt about it all. "Your in love." That's what he told me and "We've all thought about quitting. Don't I'll kick your butt if you do. We all struggle. In the end everything will work out." He's right. He always is. Besides I can hear Sonny up there yelling at me for even entertaining the idea of quiting.

So I'm not quitting. It's a silly idea. I've never quit anything when the going gets rough. I'm going to look into some lessons. There are a couple of pro shops only a few miles from here. I'm finding it hard to take MC seriously. I'm not sure why he's an excellent shooter and a really great guy, but for some reason his style of teaching isn't working for me.

But being in love feels amazing. The Parker has really made the wake of my divorce a lot easier. If I'm having a bad day I pick that Parker up and take it down to the range and shoot away all of my problems. I just have to get away from frustration and stop short changing myself. After all I've made strides of improvement from November, I can consistently hit paper now. I can draw a 55 pound bow. I can feel confident down at the range. My bow has brought me back to life. I'm beginning to remember the woman I wanted to be. My bow has given me the confidence to make moves toward the future.

I won't quit. I can't quit now. There is no going back, I'm in love. I admit it.
Becks

Breaking Myself Down

This weekend I broke myself down as a shooter. It took about 30 seconds. I rushed myself into the shoot this weekend. I've never broke myself down, I've never been so upset, I've never ever reacted the way I did. But once I broke myself down there was no recovering. But I couldn't quit, I knew if I walked away I'd never pick my bow up again, so I struggled through.

When I woke up this morning and got dressed for the shoot I was filled with dread. But I put it aside and stopped thinking about what went wrong yesterday. I adjusted my sights and warmed up for the shoot. The bow felt lighter, and my grip felt nicer. I let the bow rock in my hand after release, I didn't snatch.

My first two shots of the shoot were an 8 and 10. I held on strong with only 8 wall shots. I've figured out that if I'm relaxed and let go of the prior shot I shoot much better. I appreciated all of the support and help from my fellow archers. I've made some really great friends at the range. They know when I am upset and they know that I need support, so they give it to me.

My ending score was a 217, the first time I've broke 200 in a tournament. I'm happy, very happy. I never would have gotten there if it hadn't been for the help of my shooting buddies. You guys are excellent and I am glad to call you my friends.

When I watch the young archers on Tuesday nights I think about where they will be in 20 years. Will they be helpful to new archers. Will they understand the ethics of shooting. Will they continue on what we've taught them. Will they lead by example.

I will never break myself down like I did. It was horrible, I've never felt that way in my entire life and I never want to feel it again. I tell the girls I shoot with not to get frustrated, then I go and do what I did Friday night. I need to work on that leading by example.

Becks

The Road to a New Life, the conclusion: Inner Peace

Its been a long time coming. I've written and re written this post over and over in my head. I am constantly thinking about my inner peace and pure happiness. A lot has happened in my past, I've struggled very hard with bitterness and depression. But I'm relieved to say that I finally feel inner peace and pure happiness.
It all accumulated today when my divorce was finalized. Sitting there in the court room as the judge announced my maiden name will be restored and that the marriage has been dissolved I realized all the pain and suffering I'd been inflicted in the past does not matter anymore. True happiness rushed over me as it finally sunk in that this is and will be my second chance. I'm going to be fighting tooth and nail to continue to be happy. But I've learned how to make myself happy.

Shooting is what makes me happy. Loping my horses through the tall prairie grass makes me happy. Snuggling with my corgis makes me happy. Working makes me happy. But it's living life without any regret that makes me the happiest.

The last seven months have been the darkest in my entire life. But as I look back at all the things that made it bad I realize that every single thing made me a stronger person. Losing Sonny was probably the worst. It came at the most in opportune time. But as I think about it today I realize that I never lost her, she will always be with me in my heart. As I watch and help the little girls at the range I think about her and everything she taught me. I wonder if one day I might be to them what she is to me, a best friend.

My divorce has made me a stronger person. I now know that I don't have to be involved with someone to be happy. I don't have to depend on a man to be happy. I realize what went wrong. I know what happend, I know the red flags. I feel confident that I can step into a new relationship and be an adult about it.

Am I ready for a new relationship. I don't know. But I do know I'm happy. I do know that nothing will break my happiness. So I'm reminded of a quote from under the tuscan sun "When I was a little girl I used to look for hours for lady bugs. Eventually I'd give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up the ladybugs were crawling all over me. Ladybugs, lots of ladybugs." So I guess I'm going to take a nap in the grass.

Becks

Slings

In Idiot proof archery slings are a big deal. He touts on them constantly. When I shot recurve I used a finger sling, I never found it useful, it only made it a pain to get the bow outta my hand. The Parker comes with a wrist sling pre-installed. I've used it, but I didn't notice any difference, I'm still snatching.
I'm going to be in lots of different situations with the Parker. Practice at the range, target shoots, 3D shoots, and hunting situations, I just wondering if becoming dependant on a sling is a bad thing. I understand a sling is supposed to keep you from snatching the bow, so far it hasn't helped me. Maybe I'm not using it correctly.
So here is my question, do you find a sling useful?

Shot Sequence

Alright, it's going to bug me until I share this. I had MC take pictures of me in shot sequence. Lets pick them apart. Remember I'm not perfect.

Let's start right here. This is actually a different shot then the last two pictures, but here is what I think is wrong. See my grip on the bow, it's tight, and it stays that way. Can we say torque r us.

Full drawn my grip is still tight, I could choke a chicken! My arm isn't bent, My hip is forward, to bad MC cut my feet off but I bet they aren't set up right. Oh and I've really pulled that string into my face hard.



 And the conclusion, a flinch. Look my eyes are closed, I'm cringing, my arm is torqued, my hip is still in it, and I haven't followed through.

Looks like I've still got a lot of work to do. I guess I shouldn't be so tough on myself, it was the first time I shot this bow. Think I've got bad form?

Bowhunter Ed

Well I've completed bowhunter's Ed. I can offically hunt by myself! Yay for me!

Tuesday will mark the second week of my reinvention, hope it goes well!

Reinvention Part Two

My reinvention as a shooter is going remarkably well. I adjusted the poundage on the Golden Eagle up to 55 pounds. My shoulders are sore and weak but I need to crank up the poundage if I plan on taking down a moose! The Big D saw pictures of me shooting the Golden Eagle and decided it still doesn't fit me properly, so he's bought a Parker Sidekick Extreme for me. It should be here next week. I'm super excited.
My target panic has subsided. I've gotten a lot better about settling into the shot and shooting back tension. My back is still sore and now with the added poundage it's a screaming pain. A few more times and I won't have to worry because it won't be too painful. hopefully.
I'm shooting league tomorrow, five spot, here's to hoping it goes well! Wish me luck, I may need it!
Becks

Reinvention Part One

As I said before I'm reinventing myself as a shooter. It's a pretty drastic measure, but I feel it needs to be done. Week one went really well. I'm working on a blank boss setting myself up into my stance and getting comfortable with my anchors. I'm working on my release, making it back tension and consistent. I am also working on not torquing the bow, which means I have to hold it differently, I still find myself switching the hand hold and torquing the bow every few shots, but I'm catching myself. I want to be able to reach the point of no return and trust that my release and hand hold won't screw up the shot.
My back muscles are really sore. I was previously injured in a riding accident and since then my neck and shoulder muscles have never been the same. I'm not sure I'm properly shooting back tension, because it really hurts, but it could be my injury flaring up. I'm just not sure.
The main reason I want to reinvent myself is because of my target panic. Not only am I not confident in myself I am for sure panicked when it comes too shooting a target. In the 3D all of my shoots were to the right, because I'm torquing the bow at the last moment. So along with shooting a blank boss to work on my stance, hold, and release I am working on curing my target panic.
I'm happy with this weeks progress. I'm not frustrated anymore and I'm finally starting to enjoy shooting again. I've got a lot of work to do, but I've got all the time in the world to get it done. I definitely don't need to be rushing.
Next weekend is Bow hunter Ed Class. I'm super excited because afterwards I can finally start to take my hunting trips!! I get to go turkey hunting in the pine ridge in April, hog hunting in Texas sometime this summer, but what I am most excited about is my trip to moose hunt in Alaska this fall!
Sonny must be smiling down on me. I know she is because life is starting to improve, I'm starting to be happy again and become the confident young woman I once was. I just wish this stupid divorce would get a going. I really don't want to wait till June to get this over with, I'm ready now! HA!

Archery for Idiots

I'm throwing the barbie arows to the right on the boss. So tonight, after much reading and studing I've decided that I'm going to play by Bernie's rules. I've read Idiot Proof Archery from cover to cover and back again. I'm going to experiment and see how it goes. I sure wish Sonny was here, I wouldn't have developed this problem if she was.
But alas. So here goes nothing I'm going to re-invent myself as a shooter. Wish me luck!
Becks

Novice 3D Shoot

This weekend I was invited to shoot the shoot up at the club range. It was a lot of fun. I shot very well. But none of the targets were over twenty yards. My final score was 250. Below are the pictures. I'm pretty happy with the results!

My practice round two 10s and a 5.

Mountain goat 10.

Spinning turkey 10.

 Antelope 10.

Standing bear 10.

Shoot Results

Well I accomplished my goals. With measly scores of 125 and 127 my shooting wasn't the greatest, but I had A LOT of fun doing it. After a combined 80 ends I am really really tired.

It's a ten! I actually out shot the boys, to bad the luck didn't continue

I shot mostly fives and walls. But I am pretty proud of my four eights and my one ten. Did I mention that that ten was on a 48 yard shot! With ranges from 20 to 48 yards I had some problems using my pins. I couldn't judge the distances very well, that's something I need to work on. I was also over aiming and over shooting. 

But I had lots of fun. The shots were all different. Two were mounted, two from a make shift tree stand, and several on simulated hills. I especially enjoyed the mounted shooting, it was right up my alley.
Well it's back to the grind on Monday.
Becks

Archery Goals- Catching up

I've been really sick for the past four days. I finally got in to see the doc, and now I've got bronchitis. Ugh.
I didn't shoot Tuesday but I am shooting tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday. I'm super excited. I'm shooting the 3d this weekend. wish me luck, I'm going to need it. Actually pray for the pink barbie arrows that they all return home safely! Oh I forgot to mention that my friends gave my arows a nick name, the pink barbie arrows.
Anyway my goals are really simple, keep it consistant and just enjoy myself. Easy goals, or so I hope.
I'll catch up with you Saturday or Sunday.

Laters!
Becks

A Busy Week Ahead

I've got an extremely exhausting week coming up. I have to be up by 3:30 am to get pretty and drive to work. I'm thinking that half hour drive is going to wear me pretty thin, pretty quick. I work Monday thru Friday, 5:00 am to 1:00 pm. With a meeting running late on Wednesday and stock coming in on Thursday. I shoot Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday this week. I'm thinking by next Sunday I'm going to be exhausted.

I'm really excited about the next week. I'll be taking on more responsibilities for my job. I'm going to be meeting all of my crew and ordering for the store. I'm super excited to shoot this much and hang out with my archery friends. Stace and Big D will be here, I'm super excited to see them both.

I'll post my archery goals for the week on Tuesday, then I'll recap both practices as usual. Plus goals for the tournament and a recap. Hope I'll have some good news.

Alright I want to share this song with you this weekend. Thanks Stace for sending me the link, your right...

The Check List

Last night was five spot night. I dread five spot nights because I can’t shoot it as well. But I must say I’m pretty happy with myself, 300/500. That’s the highest score I’ve shot on a five spot night.

Last night, I confided in Farmer that I was starting to get frustrated and lose my confidence. I was really starting to feel like a rookie. So as we get ready to shoot he wanders his way over to me and whispers, “I’ll help you tonight as much as I can. I don’t want to see you frustrated.”

My first end was my worst, the next round Farmer helped. He coached me through the whole end. When he saw something wrong he helped me fix it. He taught me the proper way to use my peep sight and showed me what a difference it really makes.

Farmer also bolstered my confidence. I shot a 10,10,10,8,10. “Beck I’m so proud of you! That was an amazing end!” And sure enough his words of encouragement carried me through the night with more amazing ends.

I’m really happy with the improvement. I want to keep hold of it as long as I can. I’ll be shooting four times next week, two practices and two tournament shoots. I’ve got a “check list” in my head for every time I get anchored and think I’m ready to release the trigger. Farmer helped me set it up. It helps keep out wandering and rapid thoughts. It worked wonders last night, I’m hoping it keeps working for me.

Before I sign off I want to wish Big D lots of luck in Vegas this weekend. You are a really great shooter, you inspire me every day to continue on. I only have half your strength, and as I watch you travel through life I know that if you can make it I will to. I love you like my big brother, because you've always been there for me. I wish I could be in Vegas with you this weekend, but you know I'm rooting for you all the way from here. Just remember to not let anyone tear you down, you are a great shooter and you damn well know it!!! Maybe next year I'll be on that shooting line with you. No pressure, but make us proud!!! Love you lots!!!
Becks

Archery Goals and Happenings

Tuesday was awesome, I improved my score by 55 points. But tonight I just want to shoot a 200. I'm not sure if Tuesday was a fluke or not. I need to work on the flinching, it's improved but I won't be happy until I'm not doing it. I feel myself trying to flinch and catch myself and stop it. But the whole sequence just needs to stop, if that makes sense. I also need to work on dropping my front shoulder. I felt it happening, it's an easy fix and I think I've caught it before it really effects me. Maybe not, I may be eating those words.

I want to shoot league and then shoot 30 yards for a little while. I shot two ends Tuesday night at 30 yards. It's interesting to me because I'm already dropping my bow expecting the arrow to have hit and then all the sudden I hear the muffled smack, I'm going to have to remind myself to stay in position until I hear the arrow since I can't follow the arrow down range with my eyes. Something else I hear I need to work on, following the arrow with my eyes.
For the Bowhunter Freestyle class in the upcoming shoot I'm going to have to be able to shoot 40 yards. I need to get my 40 yard pin sighted in and pray to the archery gods it's correct, because once I'm in the shoot I can't change my sight.

I start my new job today at 8 AM. Tomorrow I have to be to work at 5 in the morning, which means I have to be up at 4 because of the half hour drive to town. None the less I'm pretty excited about the job! ( That wasn't complaining!) I'm in training to be the store manager for the local agriculture cooperative. It'll be a lot of work and stress but it'll all be okay because I can handle it all!!!
It's finally starting to warm up. 41 degrees today. It's supposed to be nice all weekend, I hope so, and I hope next week is nice too! I'm really tired of snow!!! This weekend I have to help Grandpa at the Gun Show, sigh exciting stuff! Not! But I also want to get some riding in since its supposed to be above freezing!!! Hopefully I'll have adventures from the trail on Monday for my horsey readers!
Becks!

Wisdom Wednesday

I'm going to be playing with Wisdom Wednesday's until I find a groove that works for me. Got suggestions? Leave a comment or catch me on facebook!

"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?"

What Hope means to me:
To me hope is the feeling that there is a greater plan. Hope means that no matter how rough the going gets I can and will make it through it, because I was meant for something greater.

Why I'm still hopeful:
I use this sentence a lot "I'm hopeful." Over time I've learned that being hopeful in a bad situation is all that one can be. I know that the rough times are only temporary. I've learned that no matter how dark the night is the sun will rise and in the brightness of the day hope will reign.

Question of the Week:
What are you hopeful for?    Me, well I'm hopeful that my plan for my life will eventually come together.

Becks

Mild Improvement

We finally got my peep sight and kisser button installed. The peep sight works wonderfully its a Whisper Lite. It really cuts down on outside distraction. I'm not watching where the guys arrows are hitting and I'm not worried about the shooter next to me. Oh did I mention I shot a 255/300! Improvement! Finally!!! I only flinched once and it was when I put to much pressure on the trigger and it released before I was anchored, it wasn't even a wall shot!I wasn't distracted in my head. I let myself relax and really focus on the shots.

I forgot pictures, I'm sorry I'll get them on Thursday. I did feel a little drop in my front shoulder, but it's a problem that I know how to fix! Wohoo! I'm so excited for the improvement I bet I won't sleep a wink tonight!!! I can hardly wait for Thursday!
Becks

Archery Goals

It's pretty close to negative degrees again today. We're currently looking at 8 degrees Fahrenheit. I haven't heard if the range is closed today, I'm waiting till about three to call MC. So I'm going to make my goals for tonight anyway.
Last Thursday I shot a 200, tonight I'm hoping to stay the same, if I improve wonderful if I don't well shit happens. No frustration, I'm not going to be frustrated. (yeah right!) I also want to improve my accuracy, I've got to work on the flinching. I double checked my trigger, there's no movement, I can apply mild pressure without it releasing.
I can tell you the dialogue in my head when the flinching happens. I'm relaxed into the shot, I've got my bow arm bent and relaxed, I'm anchored and looking through the sight at the boss. I'm breathing settled mind clear and all the sudden I start thinking, "Okay let it go. No wait. No it's okay go ahead. Wait one second." and somewhere in the dialogue the trigger is released, it's a surprise and I'm flinching, we are talking both eyes closed, anchor lost, a pure throw away shot, these are usually my wall shots.
Last week I only had two wall shots, two flinch shots. I've improved but like I said I just have to get outta my head, make myself shut up, because if you can't tell I like to talk, ha, you probably already knew that by the mountain of posts I post in one week!!!
Anyway mild improvement is all I'm hoping to see. I want MC to take some pictures of my stance, I'm wondering if I'm dropping my shoulder or doing something else that is aiding in the flinching. The guys who have been helping me at the range don't seem to concerned about my stance, but after three years of lessons you'd hope I'd be pretty rock solid. All I know is I've got to get outta of my funk and get my shots cleaned up for the shoot in two weeks. Maybe I'll just shoot recurve in it...
Becks

The Stars

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." 

~Author Unknown

I stood staring up at the stars thinking about Sonny. The cold night air sent shivers down my back. I closed my eyes and imagined her across the counter from me. Her blue eyes beaming as she sucked her cancer stick down, "These things'll kill ya, ya know." I opened my eyes and heard her laugh. I smiled. "One hell of a woman." I whispered up into the stars.

I dwelled a little longer and thought about everything she said to me. The advice I absorbed from her plays throughout my head on a continuous loop. Her voice brightens my day no matter what. And when I'm shooting and I'm pissed off at myself because I can't get a grip, I silently ask for her help, and usually I get it. I know that's crazy talk, and you scoff. But I feel her guidance; I can see her standing next to me just like she did in my lessons. I can hear her say what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it. I can hear her encouragement when I get down on myself.

I talk and think about Sonny a lot. I think it's because I really miss her and feel guilty. When asked the question of whom I would spend an afternoon with dead or alive, the answer is always her. Maybe then I'd get to apologize for not listening to her about getting married. I still feel guilty that I blew her off completely, I can make all the excuses I want, but none of them ever help me feel better.

I shifted a little as the shooting star streaked across the middle of the sky. I wish I could say I wished for world peace, the end to all wars, happiness for everyone on Earth, or even for the poor to become rich, but I can’t, instead I wished for her forgiveness. I cried a little as I did, then I could hear her voice, “Girl what you crying for, I forgave you a long time ago.” I scoffed and grabbed my bow out of the car and sulked towards the house. I took one last look at the stars as I opened the door; they twinkled above, my heart sung as I felt peace wash over me.

Maybe I’ve finally reached my inner peace. Maybe she really did forgive me. And maybe, just maybe, she really is still here with me. I hope so, because I need her now more then ever.

Becks

Pink

It's taken some time but I think I've finally calmed down enough to talk about this. I was at the range with my new arrows on Thursday when a fellow archer, who meant nothing by it remarked about my pink "Barbie" arrows. He was joking and I took it as such, it didn't bother me one bit. But shortly there after I received a text from a "friend" who had just read my blog and saw my new arrows and the fact that there was "a lot of pink" on the blog. He remarked that I wasn't a real shooter or bowhunter if I was shooting anything pink, be it arrows or a bow.

I took a lot of offense at his remarks, I don't think that's a joke. I may be inexperienced. I may not be the best shooter in the world. And I know sure as hell I'm not perfect. But I am a serious shooter. I live, breath, and bleed archery. I spend hours reading about shooting techniques and products. I support other archers, I learn from their successes and their failures. I learn because I want to grow and become the best shooter I can possibly be. I don't see how being a woman effects any of that.

Pink is my color. Yes I consider myself a girly girl, no I don't think that means I shouldn't shoot and that's not why I shoot pink. You really want to know why I shoot pink?... because it supports a cause, a reason, it provides hope. I'm proud to own and shoot pink arrows. I'm PROUD to be part of the pink arrow project. If you don't like the fact that I'm a woman and I shoot pink, well you can just shove off.

Becks

Fustration on the Range

My first arrow of the night was a wall shot. "Dear Lord I should have known it was going to be one of these nights!" I screamed in my head. I knocked my second arrow and drew back, anchored and took a deep breath. I let the pin float softly around the gold. "Breath." I whispered in my head, "breath." I released the trigger and listened to the smack of my new arrow. I blinked and looked down range, to the left of center about 1 inch. I knocked my next arrow. The little girls rested their bows on the bow stand. I breathed, aware of their eyes on me. "Breath" I whispered, the pin floated around the yellow. I sucked a breath in and let the release go. The arrow struck perfectly center. By the end of the night I had shot an even 200. It wasn't great, but it is an improvement. I still had a lot of problems, a lot! I walked away from the practice frustrated.

My proficiency at the range has absolutely sucked as of late. I'm in my head to much, worried about getting my pins perfectly in the center of the target. Worried if my draw length is to long or if the draw weight is too much. Concerned about smacking myself in the arm and a bow bruise. Wondering if the other archers are staring at me, criticizing me in their heads. Hoping my arrows aren't to long or too short for me. Sometimes I drag my divorce into my head and then I'm really messed up and unable to shoot clearly. And occasionally the hurt of losing Sonny, the woman who taught me how to shoot and who I consider my second mother, creeps into my heart and head. I've just been worrying about too much and not focusing on really shooting.

I've worked really hard with the trigger so I'm not so trigger happy, it's helped, but occasionally I feel like I'm rushing myself. I never had that problem shooting fingers. I'm constantly trying to keep my bow arm rigid, which I know isn't right, but for some reason I always have to remind myself to relax and stop locking my arm and knees. I spent two years in lessons trying to get rid of the rigid arms. MC always has a smarty comment about me being stiff, I'll let your mind wander on that one.

Occasionally I flinch when I release the trigger, usually when I think to much about it. Or I'll let the string pull my arm forward, or I'll just release the release mid draw, and sometimes I can't reach the same anchor point. I've got a lot to work on. I know I'm not going to be perfect, show me an archer who doesn't find flaws in themselves and I'll show you Ted Nugent. I bet he even finds flaws in himself. I want to make major improvements, but first I HAVE to get out of my head!

I'm a little less frustrated right now. Next Tuesday has to be good, it has to be. I can't stand being fustrated with myself, it just makes thing so much worse. I do have to look at the brightside and be optimistic, I did shoot a 200 it is an improvement, but it's also a long way off of 500!
Becks

Goals for Archery Night

Alright it's archery night, just like every Thursday. I've been extra anxious for tonight for some reason. We are installing my peep sight, kisser button, and I'm getting to shoot my new arrows! I've decided that I NEED to start setting goals for myself each time I shoot, weather it's improving my score or improving something else, I need a goal.
So my goal for tonight is to improve my score by 100 points, that would bring me to 255, it's not a fabulous number, but we all have to start somewhere. I also want to try the floating trick, I'm thinking over aiming is where 95% of my accuracy problems are steaming from. Well see, I'll let you know how I get on.
My other goal is to just enjoy myself. Let shooting relax me, and stop worrying about all my other problems. I'm there to shoot, I'm there to be confident and not let anyone break me down. I need to be confident in my ability to shoot, not cocky, just confident.
So here goes nothing! Wish me Luck!
Becks

Sub-Zero

Today my computer is telling me it's -8 degrees outside. The weather man isn't hopeful that today will get any warmer. The snow has stopped and the horses are digging through it to the grass on the bottom. They are ignoring the hay completely, hopeful for a little bit of green, which isn't there.

Archery has been cancelled for the night, I didn't intend to brave the sub-zero temps anyway. I'm not that much of a die-hard. The forecast is -17 by 6:00 PM. Sigh looks like I'll have to have to corgis snuggle up with me tonight if the power goes out. We've been having power outages just about every night since Friday. But since they aren't calling for freezing moisture the lines should stay up.

I really hate to complain, we've had a really nice winter, so far, knock on wood! And we are only a couple of months away from spring, but I'm ready for 60 degree weather. I'm ready for the spring archery turkey season. I'm ready to lope the horses on beautiful spring days. Splashing through the water, feeling like a kid again. There is something about Spring that brings me back to being a kid. I get a tingly feeling throughout my body and get the itch to be in the saddle.

I love shedding horses out. I love being covered in horse hair and their scent. I love wearing mud boots and a rain coat. I love the sound of a thunder storm rolling in. I love a crisp rain as it washes down my face and the lightning as it races across the sky. I love rainbows and double rainbows. The sound of happy finches in the trees. Colts racing through the fresh green grass, kicking their heels in the air. I love the first horse show of the season. I love the big puffy clouds in the rich blue sky. I love the sandhills in first green and bloom. I love buying flowers for the flower beds. But most of all I love the feeling of hope and brightness that spring brings. Believe me I need that feeling more now then ever.

So even though it's sub-zero today I'm dreaming of beautiful Spring days. I know they are right around the corner. Winter might be in full force today, but soon, very soon I'll be tromping through the mud enjoying the thaw out of 2011. Soon . . . very soon.

Missy.B

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

My arrows arrived this morning, they are absolutely gorgeous! M n CJ's Custom Arrows in Disputanta VA custom fletched them.
My kisser button and peep sight arrived also, I'm a little apprehensive about the peep sight, I'm not confident that it will work with my bow string. Hopefully MC will be able to help me get it setup.
Also in the mail was my Lancaster Archery Supply: Archer's Wish Book. I've already put together my wish list. Just like a kid in a candy store. The first thing on my wish list is a bow, but Lancaster doesn't sell the brand I want, its the Parker Sidekick Extreme. Next is the T.R.U Ball Pro Diamond Extreme release. The the HHA Optimizer Ultra 5500 sight. A Spot-Hogg Whammy Rest. A Doinker Chubby Hinter Stabilizer. I want to upgrade my target quiver to a Easton Elite Hip Quiver. And finally for the days I can't get to the range a Morrell Target.
I'm thinking this wish list is going to cost me a lot of money! But I intend to buy these one at a time, when I have spare cash, which won't be for awhile since I'm still trying to get my divorce settled. Sigh that's life! Patience is a virtue I tell you!!!
Anyway just had to share my wish list and show off my new arrows.

Coming Together

Right now is a pivotal part of my life. I’m going through a brutal divorce and trying ever so hard to make it on my own. My very few pennies are pinched as tight as possible. Therefore I don’t have money to sink into my passion of archery.

I have a very small, tight knitted, circle of archery friends. I’ve been touched by the generosity that has radiated from them. The gentleman letting me borrow his extra bow hardly knows who I am, but he trusts and supports me, “I’ve been through a divorce before, I understand. Maybe this bow will help you get through those dark days.” MC lets me borrow his release and shoot his extra arrows, and let me tell you I’ve been really hard on his arrows! The Big D has always supported me; he helped me buy my recurve set-up, and now he’s bought me a new dozen Victory V3 custom fletched arrows and a couple other small accessories.

The love I hold for my friends is tremendous. And I have to say that the support I’ve got from them is like no other support I’ve ever gotten before. If I’m having a rough day I just call one of them up and they are there. It doesn’t matter how rough a week I have, if my friends are at the range then nothing else matters.

I’m a big believer in Karma and paying it forward. My friends have done so many things for me, expecting nothing in return. I want to pay their kindness forward. I don’t know how I will do it, but I will. But I do know that I want to thank each and every one of them for coming together to get me through this rough time. My appreciation is deeper then you’ll ever know.

Love,

Missy B

The Doinker

I've either been around the guys to long  or not enough... I'll give you proof... and you can decide...
MC "Beck, you should get a Doinker, it'll really improve your accuracy."
Me: "I don't need a weenie to shoot. Thank you very much."
MC: "Um a Doinker is a stabilizer."
Me: "Oh..."
My girlfriends and I used to call weenies, doinkers. (Boy I sure hope there aren't any kids that read my blog) But sure enough it really is a brand of stabilizer, Doinker, and here I thought he was giving me a hard time for being a girl. Silly boys they haven't learned that bows are for girls! No I'm just kidding, anyone of them can easily out shoot me.
I shot horribly Thursday night, a 155. I know, it was awful. My little eight year old, well she really isn't mine but I'll claim her, out shot me by 100 points!!! Ugh I've really got to get it together. I have a new set of dozen arrows, the Big D ordered me, coming in the mail. But as hard as I've been on my old aluminums I'm a little apprehensive to shoot these new ones. If I could keep them outta the wall and the wood it wouldn't be so bad. I don't want to have to call the Big D and tell him I ruined the arrows he gifted to me, it'd probably hurt his feelings!
Anyway I'm going to practice up a little more, I'm going to start shooting on Tuesdays also. It's usually the kids night at the range, but the guys recognize how much practice I really need! I'm not ashamed to admit it that I really need A LOT of practice.
I picked up my recurve today for the first time in a few weeks. I can shoot it really well, mostly 8s and 10s, but for some reason that compound throws me for a loop. I've relaxed into the shot and everything, I just don't know whats wrong and it's a little frustrating. The Big D also ordered me a kisser button and peep sight, we're hopeful those will help me reach the same anchor point every time. Okay it's a lot frustrating. But no matter what I'm not giving up, eventually I'll get to where I need to be, it'll just take lots of practice and time.
Missy.B

Settling Into the Shot

Ever since my big ol' bow bruise I've been working extra hard to settle into my shots. A fellow archer showed me a little trick to beating the "trigger happies". It really works and I am now starting to settle and relax deep into my shots, which also improves my accuracy. I'm now shooting a fully loaded Golden Eagle, borrowed from one of the guys until I can afford one of my own. I'm so lucky to have such great friends, they really take care of me, Thanks Guys!

It's a really nice bow, even if it isn't a parallel limb. I couldn't be happier with the way I preform with it. I still need to clean up my shot, last Thursday I was still all over the paper. The problem stems from my bow arm. I'm not entirely sure what's going on, I suspect it's still muscle weakness, but for some reason just as I get ready to release my bow arm twitches, not every time, about two out of five shots. I guess I should voice my concerns and ask the guys to watch me shoot, maybe they'll have some idea and help me improve it.

In the meantime I'm enjoying shooting. I've had a lot of fun down at the range, the guys are sometimes the comic relief in my melodrama. I look forward to every Thursday, because no matter how horrible the week was shooting just melts away the stress. I'm all set up for the 3D shoot in February, if I get proficient I may even travel with some of the guys to a couple of shoots in neighboring towns. But I want to shoot my home range first before I embarrass myself somewhere else.

Well that's all from the range for this week!
Missy.B

Missing an Archer

I stepped up to the line, knocked my arrow, and clipped my release on. I took a heavy breath then drew back. My heart sunk heavily into my chest. I settled into the shot, aimed, and released the string. The arrow hit the target hard, the muffled smack echoed throughout the range.
I knocked my second arrow. My heart broke heavily in my chest. Tears welled as I clipped the release on, I drew back and settled into the shot. I aimed, took a heavy breath and then released the string. MC looked across the line at me. Our cheerful banter had stopped suddenly as the pain hit me. "What's wrong Doll?"
I fought harder to keep the tears in my chest as I knocked my third arrow. "I'm just missing Sonny today." He nodded as I clipped on my release and drew back. I settled into the shot, trying to blink away the fuzzy tears. I released the arrow then turned from the line and walked away without looking where the arrow had hit. The other archer's eyes following me. I settled my bow onto the bow stand and walked across the room and disappeared into the forest of the 3D range.

I sunk into a chair at the forty yard line. I could hear the guys whispering, but I ignored them. Tears dripped down my face and onto my knees as I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. I sobbed hard as heartache radiated throughout my body.
Thirty minutes later the guys were half way through league. I returned to the target range and stood by the bow stand. "You okay now?" MC asked as he laid his bow down on the stand. I nodded as I starred straight on.
He turned to see what I was starring at. A perfect group of three directly in the center of the target. "Did you move those?" I asked.
He shook his head. We stood silent for a moment, then he laid his hand on my arm where the arm guard she gave me was braced and whispered, "She never left you."
I stood quietly admiring the group, it was my first perfect shot, relief flooded my body. It was like a warm embrace, the feeling that she was and is still with me, no matter how hard it gets, she'll always be here.
Missy.B

Work First, Play Later

This morning I've got lots of things to get done. Buzz and Ash are coming to help. I'm incredibly grateful to them, I'm not sure I could make it through whats coming if it weren't for them. I always hate moving, and this one is just going to suck.
I didn't get any riding in yesterday, I'm hoping that we don't run out of time today so that we can get out for a nice long ride. I did have a really great day yesterday though, I didn't let anything bother me, I think I need to make more days like that! As a result of not letting anything get to me I was feeling really good down at the range, I couldn't settle into my shots though. I'm shooting with a borrowed release, unfortunately I'm just a touch trigger happy. I get halfway drawn and I'm already releasing the arrow, you should hear that bow twang and feel the string snap against my elbow! I'm just going to have to learn to settle into the shots!
This weekend is the 3D shoot. I'm a little nervous, I don't think I will be shooting. I've had a good look at the target set up, some of the shots are pretty complicated. I think I'll be better of as a spectator. I've heard of a bow that I could possibly borrow for the time being, lets hope that comes through.
Well I suppose I better get into gear, it's going to be an awfully long day. I'm just grateful to my friends for their help and support, you guys go above and beyond. It'll all work out, no matter what happens I'll be in a great mood tonight, because I get to go shooting!!!
Missy.B

Setting Up

This weekend marks a really important part of my life as an archer, my first 3D shoot. I'm overly excited, considering I never had the confidence in the past to shoot in one of these. I've practiced on the 3d animal targets before, but I've never scored a round. I know full well I won't win, but what does it hurt to try.

Yesterday afternoon was spent down at the range helping the guys clean up some of the targets. I learned how to recore a target, while it doesn't sound that exciting I had a lot of fun doing it, probably the most fun I've had in awhile! In the process I've made some more friends. I find it really intresting how easy it is to make friends when I put myself out there and leave fear behind me. Moving forwad is such an awesome feeling.

I'm going to be practicing extra hard this week, I'd really love to clean up my shot before the shoot. But I've also got a lot of things going on this weekend. So we'll see how much time I actually get in.

Missy.B

Get a Goin'

"Comeon girly get a goin'!" Bee hollered across the arena.
I turned in the saddle to face her. "You tell this ol' plow horse of yours to get a goin'! It ain't me!"
She frowned, "Well if you can't ride him then how you goin to show him?" Her Texas accent ran deep in her words, often I found myself trying to duplicate it, for what reason I don't know.
I ignored her and dug my spurs into the horse's side. He lurched forward into the canter. It was the wrong lead, I didn't care, he was cantering. Mid-arena he decided he was tired of the wrong lead, to much work, and flung himself through a flying lead change into the correct lead.
"There you go girly!" She hollered. I ground my teeth down and flung him into the first jump. I cringed as I heard the rail hit the ground. "Aw comeon now get your head in it!"
I ignored her as I approached the next jump. I softly rose into two point, keeping my hands out of his mouth. He eased into the jump and cleared it. Bee hooted and startled him. He lurched to the side, I pushed him back to where I wanted. I ground my teeth harder and rose into my stirrups. I assumed when I didn't hear a thud we were clear. I asked for a lead change, but instead he flung his head  and front end into the air. I lost balance and fell to the side, my foot caught in the stirrup and I drug through the dirt as the plow horse careened around the arena.
My leg stung, my knee ached, but most of all the dirt burned the skin on my back. Eventually he stopped. I laid in the dirt starring up at the arena ceiling. The little finches in the rafters starred down at me, threatening to poop on me at any moment. My foot fell from the stirrup sans my boot. I groaned hard as the pain shot through my body.
"You hurt?" She asked as she walked up to me, her weathered hands in her pockets.
"Well I'm not sure." I groaned as I reached up to unbuckle my helmet. My shoulders ached as I did it. I cringed and fought back tears.
"Need the medics?" She asked casually as if this happened everyday.
"No." I mumbled as I struggled to sit up, trying to avoid putting pressure on my legs.
"You going to be able to walk?" She asked. I looked up at her and shrugged, pain shot through my body. The plow horse snorted then sighed and relaxed cocking his hind right foot.
"He's all warmed up now." She joked.
I laughed as I tried to rub the pain away. I sat in silence for awhile. Never in my career had I ever been so close to death. Tears started to come.
"No you don't!" Bee yelped, "Get your butt back into that saddle."
I swallowed my tears. "Help me up." Pain shot through my body as I stood up, it surged harder as I swung into the saddle.
"Get a goin'" Bee whispered, her old blue eyes soft, as soft as I had ever seen.

That day I learned to ride through the pain. I learned to always get back into the saddle. Recently I've learned that lesson also applies to when life throws you. It hurt bad at first like the pain I felt that afternoon when I took the fall, but now the pain isn't surging, it's pretty mild, like a paper cut when you rub salt into it. Eventually there won't be any pain at all. I'm looking forward to those days, those days are close, really close, as a matter of fact I've experienced those days, happy days.

And Bee, I really hated you that day, your nonchalant attitude about the situation. I really hated you because you made me get back into the saddle. I got over it. Now I see what you were really doing to me, preparing me for life. Thanks Bee! I owe you one!
Missy. B

My Goals for 2011

This year I have three factors in my life that I want to set goals for. My horse career, archery, and well being.
Here are my goals for 2011:
Horse Career:
My life long dream has been to compete in the Olympics. While I know full well I won't make the 2012 team it doesn't hurt to start working towards my ultimate goal. I intend to compete at the highest level possible with Sweet Cheeks and work Boo boo into the big time.
I also want to set aside more time for my unbroke colts. They are only getting older and the longer they spend in the pasture untouched the wilder they get. I've enlisted help Pecos Bill and a new bronc rider Brian, AKA Buzz. I've got enough help now that it should be really easy to get these colts started.
Finally I want to grow my horse ally circle. I would love to have a group of friends to go on trail rides with. It's always nice to have horsey friends to bounce ideas about training off.

Archery:
I've been shooting for three years now and I have never been this motivated and serious. Two years ago I made a promise that I won't break. I promised Sonny that I'd learn how to bow hunt. Well I went bow hunting for the first time last year, I didn't get to take any shots, therefore I didn't get my buck. This year I want to get my buck, not only for myself but for Sonny.
I also want to improve my scores and start competing in shoots. I need to improve as an archer. Of course it would help to have new equipment, but like I've said before I'm pretty proud of the legacy I'm continuing. I want to compete this year. I've made friends down at the range, I'm not going at it alone, they would support me no matter how big of a fool I make of myself. Out here I've found nothing but support, and I am grateful for that!
Lastly I want to build up my confidence so that I'm not so worried about what other shooters are thinking. I want to be confident in my skills!

My Well being:
I'm getting a fresh start, I'm getting to move away from the bad, my future is in my control. I've already made some progress, I've dropped my baggage and found my inner peace. I want to keep this forward motion. The road is going to get rougher. But I can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I foresee myself happy. I see myself living my life to the fullest, doing what I love.
A lot of my single friends want to find "the one" this year. They turn to me and ask me if I want to find "the one". Here's what I have to say about that. I'm going through a divorce. Emotionally I'm not stable enough to find "the one". I'm not stable enough right now to even worry about dating. I intend to live my life to the fullest this year, and if along the way "the one" finds me, great he'll have to be patient. But if he doesn't find me this year, that's okay too, I'll worry about finding him next year, 2012.

I just want to be happy, and I'm hoping that all these little goals will help me reach my happy place. I've heard good things come to those who wait . . . well I'll wait for a little bit, but pretty soon I'm going to get restless, I want to meet my goals

Missy.B

My Happiness Won't be Broken

Remember my new years resolution? "Don't let anyone or anything break your happy." I reached my inner peace yesterday. I've made it to the point where nothing is going to bother me. I'm Zen, as my best friend would put it. My happy, my heart, will not be inflicted pain by anyone else.
So all this trying to make me mad, trying to break my happy, well it isn't going to work. Other people can do what they feel they need to do, I just have one warning, Karma she's a bitch!

My attitude, the way I face the world and people in it, effects my happiness. I've decided I'm not going to be a bitch about this. Others can be mean, but I won't. That doesn't mean I'm going to lay down and let them walk all over me. But my new attitude towards this situation is I will not be a bitch just to be one. No matter how hard others try they won't get my goat.

It's time to let it all go and let the healing process begin. My heart is healing, I'm protecting it, it won't be hurt again, no matter what anyone else chooses to do. I'm going to have rough days. But it won't be cause by anyone else. I've got great friends and a great family who love me unconditionally and they are in my corner, picking me up with every blow and shoving me back into the ring. I'll get through this no matter how hard the road is.

Today I'm happy, tomorrow I'll be happy, a week from now I'll be happy. Because I've choose to heal, I've choose to move on with my life, I choose my happiness.

Missy. B

"No matter how dull, or how mean, or how wise a man is, he feels that happiness is his indisputable right." ~ Helen Keller

Trotting Away

Boo boo let out a squeal as I asked him for a lope. Three quick bucks and he settled into himself. He foamed out of the mouth and moved forward easily. His ears twitched listening for whinnies from the herd behind us. He pushed hard against the bit, I stood in my stirrups and let him surge into a gallop. Snow flying underneath his feet.

The cold wind whipped the tears from my eyes and back across my cheeks. I snuffed as I tried to stop crying. Freedom never felt so good. Boo boo slowed back into a canter. He was more relaxed and wasn't listing behind him anymore. We loped a little farther then slowed into an extended trot.

I took a deep breath as we hit the edge of the lake, I stopped him to enjoy the view. The cold wind stung my lungs. My head was clear, I was in the moment not worried about anything else.  I watched the deer across the lake, playing enjoying the afternoon sun. Boo boo watched them too, alert and keen to their every movement. Tears still flowed from my eyes, I cried for 15 minutes, then I let everything go. I dropped my baggage right there by the lake, and trotted away from it.

Today was a beautiful day. Today I left everything behind and moved forward into my new life. Today Boo boo and I finally bonded. Today I learned to trust him. Today I made it all alright in my heart.

The sun shine tomorrow will be beautiful. The air will be fresher. My eyes will see the world clearly. I'll move forward without hesitation. My new life is here, it's been here, but now I've embraced it. I can't change the past, but I can improve the future.



April 2010


Missy. B

Bent Arrows

I've been shooting bow and arrow for three years now. I picked it up because it really makes me feel like a strong and powerful woman. The sport of Archery isn't filled with a lot of women, it's a male dominated sport. So when I go down to the range I'm usually the only female there, which is fine with me, but sometimes there is that one guy who has a problem with a female shooter.
I never encountered this problem in Omaha. My instructor was a woman, she and her son owned the range, women shooters were respected there. She taught me a lot about how to be a woman in a male dominated sport. These past couple of weeks I've used her knowledge down at the range, I've modeled myself after her, and it's worked! I have finally broke down the barrier between me and the only guy who had a problem with a woman shooter. I finally showed him that I can handle it, I can be a bowhunter, I'm not just another wanna be.
Well now that I've finally stepped up and proved myself I've really got to work hard to keep the respect. I've been shooting every day for the last couple of weeks. Not only is it a stress reliever but it's also practice. I'm consistently hitting the bullseye, even with bent arrows. But now here I am ready to take it to the next level and I am stuck. My out dated equipment, my antique, doesn't preform as nicely as a new parallel limb bow. My bent aluminum arrows are logs that fly down the range at half the speed of the newer carbon arrows. I'm still shooting with my fingers, which really doesn't bother me, but now that MC has let me shoot with his thumb release I feel that one would only improve my accuracy. In all honest my outdated equipment doesn't really bother me. It's the way my grandfather shot. It's his bow and arrows, and when I'm shooting them I feel a little bit proud that he bestowed the honor upon me. I get to keep his legacy alive.
In time, once I have a good job, and my debt is paid off, I'll be able to afford that new bow. The Parker Sidekick extreme, in pink camo of course. I'll have new carbon arrows that travel at the speed of sound. I'll have the new thumb release and five pin fiber optic sight. But for right now what I've got is a legacy. Probably the only one still being shot, I've got a Jennings Black Lightning and arrows that were made in a shop in North Dakota and given as a gift to my grandfather. I've become part of his legacy... and I'm pretty proud of it! Not only am I a woman archer, I'm a woman shooting a bow that most men gave up on.
Maybe one day you'll see me on tv on one of thoose hutning shows taking the best shot of my life. Maybe one day little girls just learning how to shoot will model themselves after me. Maybe, just maybe I'll have a legacy to pass on to my grandkids.

Missy. B