It was dark, way to dark for any sane person to be out
running, but whose says I’m sane anymore. My feet hit the pavement, stride
after stride. Pain recoiled through my knee, ankle and leg. My breath stung my
lungs, but I pushed hard, attempting to forget, to move on, to get away.
I reached two miles and sunk into the grass. I hadn’t been
jogging since I started the new job, and it was showing. My mind was clear; I
had left the phone and ipod in the house. I figured if I broke my leg either
the coyotes would get me or Neighbor would be by in the morning.
I relaxed and let the wind chill me. He had a point, about
forcing love, he’s completely right. I still haven’t laid down in the grass for
that nap; I haven’t stopped trying to force things.
Sonny told me that the championship fight wouldn’t happen
right away, that I had time to train. She’s right of course, I need to get my
facts straight, but it still doesn’t matter who was with him, just knowing that
he’s clearly moved on hurt.
“All I want is to know he hurts over it to.” I whispered.
“That’s selfish.” Sonny whispered.
I laid down and stare at the sky, my heart still pumping
hard. That’s when it happened, “fuck it” I whispered.
Laying my heart in God’s hands is the right decision. He can
fix anything and everything, and if I let him I know he can take the pain away…
Faith is all it’s going to require.
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